Letting Go to Claim a Life of Peace

The following is a slightly edited excerpt from my book Peace Amidst the Mayhem. At the heart of a peaceful family is a peaceful parent. I hope you find this selection helpful. The book is Now Available!

Raccoons and Shiny Objects

The first time I heard about raccoons and shiny objects was when I read Where the Red Fern Grows as a youngster. The book describes how a raccoon can be trapped with a very simple mechanism. A person bores a hole in a log, puts a shiny object in the hole, and then uses nails to make the opening of the hole very small. The raccoon reaches in to grasp the object. The raccoon’s clenched fist cannot pull out against the nails. In order to be free, all the raccoon has to do is let go of the shiny object and slip its hand out. With a clenched fist, the raccoon is caught. I could hardly believe that a creature could really be trapped this way.

Later in life, we moved to a new house which backed up to a forest. It was there I had my first run-ins with raccoons. I saw firsthand how feisty these animals can be. The idea that a raccoon might hang onto an object so stubbornly that it would be captured became plausible in my mind. However, I wasn’t fully convinced of the practicality of the method until I grew up and began to take a good hard look at my own life.

I realized I was just like those raccoons.

You and Me and Shiny Objects

We often grasp onto shiny objects, which in reality keep us trapped in a life we don’t really want. These shiny objects may take the form of a specific income level, entertainment, a promotion at work, a perfect looking family, a slim body, or a beautifully designed home. While none of these objectives are inherently bad, if we seek them at the expense of what matters most, then we are trapped in a life of unrest.

We often feel unable to let go because at the heart of it, the real shiny object is more abstract. We may want a designer home on the surface, but deep down we may desire it because we feel we don’t quite measure up. That home will set us apart as good enough. Our shiny object in reality then is adequacy. In the moment, adequacy becomes our center, rather than love. So we set our sights on that gorgeous home, grasp, and don’t let go.

These shiny objects may be so ingrained that we don’t recognize them as such. They might be coping mechanisms, learned traits from childhood, addictions, or unintentional habits picked up from friends, laziness, or cultural influence. I cannot pretend to know a raccoon’s motive, but for us, it is often difficult to let go due to unawareness, fear, or long held belief systems.

The struggle is very real.

When in reality, all we need to do in order to be free and feel at peace is let go.

An Experiment in Letting Go

My parents helped develop in each of us kids a love of reading. It is hard to think of a simpler joy than snuggling up in sweats and a cozy blanket to enjoy a good book. Through every stage of life I have made time to read. When I was young, we went to bed before lights out so we could read every night. In college, I took a book to the gym with me each morning. As a mother of five, I will admit I have read on the toilet, while brushing my teeth, and late into the night when I should have been sleeping between nighttime nursing sessions. Books on philosophy and religion intrigue me. History fascinates me. Youth literature entertains me. And Jane Austen makes me smile from the inside out.

One afternoon many years ago, I rocked in my comfortable blue chair and read. A thought came to my mind. A nasty, little thought I wanted to ignore. However, it kept tapping me on the shoulder. The thought would not go away until I gave it my full attention. “Perhaps,” the little thought said, “Perhaps you need to let go of reading.”

What!?! Reading is good and wholesome, educational and enjoyable. Plus, it’s free!

The thought could have stemmed from guilt over the series I had just binge read, ignoring as much of the rest of life as possible until I got through. Maybe it was a result of me currently reading a book I had read once before. The thought may have been an extension of my brother’s comment about how much learning would happen if all the hours people spent reading Harry Potter were spent reading a little hardier material. Perhaps the thought was Divine inspiration.

Whatever its source, that little thought lodged in my mind to stay. It forced me to consider the options. As I did, I felt that there was at least a possibility that spending my time in other ways could help me become a better person. That day I decided to let go of fiction for one year.

A Fiction-Free Year

Over the next year, I missed my guilty pleasure reads at times. However, I finally read some of the nonfiction titles that had been hibernating on my “To Read” list. I learned a lot from those books. Through that year I developed other talents and completed a few long-term projects.

After the year, I reintroduced fiction into my reading repertoire. Even now, I have a mindless fun read downloaded on my phone. The difference is that now I can put it down at any moment.

My fiction-free year taught me that I could let go of even things I love. It also showed a pattern for creating change. In the big picture, fiction is a trivial thing. However, I have experienced and seen that individuals have the power to let go of anything.

And you can too.

A Life of Peace

As you analyze your own life, many of your shiny objects may be smaller than fiction, yet letting go will still make a big difference in your life. Conversely, you may find it necessary to let go of something much bigger than fiction. Your shiny object might be huge, something that argues to be your center and is such a part of you that it often goes unrecognized. To find peace in the mayhem, you may need to let go of things like perfection, control, and selfishness.

Throughout the next chapters of this book we will dive into some of the common shiny objects that get in our way of living a life of peace. We will take a good hard look at what the object is and why it is appealing. Which fears or desires push us towards wanting the object? When we more fully understand our desire for the object, then we can make a choice about that desire. We ask ourselves, “Which do I want more, this object or a life of peace?”

Once we decide we really do want to be free, it becomes a matter of finding the strength to pry our fingers and let go. Sometimes, we may need to pry our fingers slowly over time. Other situations may require that we fling the object and run in one fell swoop. We will learn about the process of letting go and apply it to many examples.

It is my hope that as you read, you will recognize truths and begin a dialogue within yourself or amongst those who care about you. I hope you discover ideas and patterns that give you the strength to explore and let go of your personal shiny objects, so that you can be truly free. Free to embrace a life of peace.

I hope you have enjoyed this portion of Peace Amidst the Mayhem. You can also receive the free companion, A Parent’s Guide to Peace amidst the Mayhem.

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