Best Bedtime Routine for Kids (5 Steps to an Easier Bedtime)

Bedtime in many households ranges from stressful to full-on battle mode. While parents and children alike are tired from a busy day, that final stretch before sleep arrives can wear any parent thin. However, most bedtime battles can be solved with a consistent bedtime routine that meets the child’s needs and prepares the child for rest. This five-step routine does the trick.

The Tired Parent’s Bedtime Dilemma

We are exhausted.

It’s been a busy day during an even busier stage of life. All we want to do is crawl under our covers, close our eyes, and dream of an uninterrupted night’s rest.

But we can’t.

We still have the bedtime battle to fight.

What feels like it should take five minutes stretches into an hour or more as we get kids ready for bed, struggle to settle them, and then handle the never ending stream of bedroom exits.

A dilemma often arises: we want to be fun, patient, kind parents, but we also want these children to go to sleep.

And we think to ourselves, or occasionally share a bit louder than might be necessary, “I’ve been a good mom all day! Now it’s time to be done. Why won’t you just GO TO SLEEP!”

Fortunately, this is not the final stage of parenting. We are not doomed to the recurrent evening war-zone.

Most bedtime battles can be solved with a consistent bedtime routine that meets the child’s needs and prepares the child for rest.

Our children currently range in age from one and a half to twelve. They each follow the same bedtime routine.

Why Bedtime Routines Matter

We are creatures of habit. Most of what we do day to day is because of the habits we have created in the past. The same goes for bedtime and sleep.

If we have created a habit of struggle and stress surrounding sleep, that’s what will continue.

However, the powerful truth is that humans are also incredible agents of change. We can stop whatever behavior is our current norm and create a different reality.

Within our families, a powerful way to implement such change is by creating purposeful routines. This is such an important topic for families, that it deserves its own post: How to Start Family Routines that Transform Chaos to Calm.

How to Start a New Bedtime Routine

Within the bedtime realm, remember that in order to start new routines, we need to do three important things.

1. Create a clear vision of what the routine will look like.

• What is the purpose of the bedtime routine? How will we bring that about?
• I am about to share the bedtime routine that works for our five kids. Get really clear about what you want bedtime to be like at your house.

2. Teach your expectations.

• Children need to know exactly what bedtime should look like. Children (like all of us!) actually love knowing what is expected of them.
• Hold a family meeting where you discuss why sleep is so important (health, rejuvenation, behavior, etc.) and how you want bedtime to feel in your home (calm, something we enjoy -sleep is amazing!).
• Explain clearly what the family bedtime routine will be and who is responsible for each part.

3. Follow-through consistently.

• Follow-through is the hardest part, but it is also the most important, so rest assured that it is worth the effort.
• New habits and skills (like falling asleep) are created with practice. Stick with it, and you’re family will benefit from the calm and ease of a consistent bedtime routine.

Five-Step Bedtime Routine for Children (Step 4 is Genius!)

We’ve briefly covered the why and how of starting a new bedtime routine. So, here are the meat and potatoes now, the actual routine that is working for our family and so many others.

While you can easily skim the five steps, I encourage you to read thoroughly for extra tips, benefits, and ideas.

Step 1: Pajamas (And Optional Bath)

Anytime after dinner, kids get pajamas on. We often do our baths in the morning, but if they need it, we do bath time here.

Pajamas are a simple cue that bedtime is on its way.

Step 2: Brush Teeth

I know, tooth brushing can feel like World War III. We had one child that as soon as he saw the toothbrush would start yelling, “All done! All done!”

However, teaching our kids proper oral hygiene is helpful for preventing cavities, improving overall health, and even saving money in restorative dental care. Here is more information about the importance of childhood tooth brushing.

The effort is worth it!

As soon as kids have teeth, they need to floss and brush every night (and morning). Even before that, gums should be massaged and wiped with a clean cloth. Around age six, kids might be ready to brush on their own. (Stay involved and make sure they use proper technique and timing.)

If your child doesn’t love brushing teeth, here are a few ideas you might want to try.

Six Ideas to Make Toothbrushing Easier with Kids

• Let kids watch you brush your own teeth. Example, can be the easiest teacher.
• Sing a song while you brush. Maybe one song for the top and one for the bottom. This is our favorite tooth brushing song. It’s fun to make up rhyming phrases for this one too.
• Use a visual toothbrushing timer, so they can see the end is coming. You an also try a Musical Toothbrushing Timer, like the one pictured.
• Have your child hold a different toothbrush (or even brush your teeth), while you brush his.
• Practice brushing on a favorite doll or stuffed animal first.
• Have something to look forward to after brushing, such as a story or quick game of Hide and Seek.

Whatever strategies you need to employ, be consistent and patient. It does get easier with practice and time.

Step 3: Family Prayer

Whenever the first child is ready to get in bed or when an older child is leaving for the evening, we gather for family prayer.

This is a tradition my husband and I have carried over from each of our upbringings. I loved being together at the end of the day and hearing different individuals pray in gratitude and blessing for our family and others.

Whatever friends or other people happened to be there at the time simply joined us.

Family prayer is a simple and powerful way to bond and increase gratitude.

After prayer, kids go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, and head to bed.

Step 4: Snuggle Time

At the beginning of this school year, I was very prayerful and intentional about understanding what my children needed from me. As I sought that understanding, I remembered some advice a dear friend had given me many years before.

When I asked for her best parenting advice, she said, “Talk with your children every night.” She described what they called, “Pillow Talk,” just a time to chat about the day and life together.

I realized that a variation of this was exactly what my kids needed, so we started “Snuggle Time.”

At night, the kids read in bed while I spend some one-on-one time with each. The sooner they head to bed, the more time they each get. I use a timer, so each child knows they are getting the same amount of time. 🙂

What Snuggle Time Looks Like

Snuggle Time includes a combination of reading, chatting, singing, and/or just snuggling.

The younger kids consistently have a bedtime story and song, while we snuggle. On nights when they are calm and ready for bed, any book will do. However, if they need extra help settling for sleep, I usually grab one that’s good for calming, like one of these from our list of 15 Best Bedtime Stories for Toddlers and Preschoolers to Help Kids Calm Down and Feel Loved.

The same goes for the songs we sing. I’ve learned that music is really powerful in affecting moods. We’ve found some go-to songs that definitely help all the kids relax and feel more ready for sleep. These 12 Beautiful Lullabies to Help Kids Relax are some of our favorites for bedtime.

The older kids choose how they want to spend their snuggle time among the options, and we all love it.

My kids are motivated to get into bed on time so they get their full Snuggle Time. It’s an ideal way to calm and settle before trying to fall asleep. (If your child needs extra help calming down before bed, try this relaxation exercise: 7 Minutes to a Better Sleeper.)

Additionally, the benefits of one-on-one time and positive physical touch are far-reaching, including improving behavior and handling stress better.

Related: Why One-on-One Time is so Important and How to Make it Happen

Of course, some nights are busy and we don’t have time for reading and snuggles before lights out. However, the four to six nights a week it happens, Snuggle Time is genius.

In the future, when asked for my best parenting advice, I just might adopt my friend’s. Including one-on-one time as part of our bedtime routine is invaluable.

Step 5: Leave the Room

I don’t know about you, but I don’t count my parenting day done until the kids are actually settled in their beds with the lights out. And some kids have a special talent for infinitely dragging out the post-lights-out period.

Whether it’s another drink, a trip to the bathroom, “I just need to tell you one more thing,” or any number of creative excuses, when Littles are out of bed a hundred times, it can get really frustrating.

I have found the best way to handle this drama is with prevention and consistency.

After Snuggle Time, I hug, kiss, tuck, and leave.

When I turn out the lights, we have already prevented a lot of the common culprits. The kids have already gone to the bathroom, had water (or have a water bottle in bed), and had a chance to talk with me.

Then we are really consistent: nothing fun happens after lights out.

If a child does get out of bed, we don’t have a conversation. It’s simply straight back to bed. I might remind, “We don’t get out of bed after lights out.”

In response to the oft-stated, “But I’m not tired!” I usually say, “You don’t have to sleep, you just have to rest.”

If the behavior repeats, you can implement a consequence. For one child, if she gets out of bed, the bedroom door gets shut for the night. You can also consider earlier bedtime the next night (because we need our sleep!) or another consequence applicable to your specific child.

Be kind, patient, and consistent.

Kids are actually pretty smart and adaptable. Over time, they understand that there is no benefit to getting out of bed.

The Hidden Key for a Successful Bedtime Routine

My parents once told me that as they raised their family, they did not want bedtime to be a punishment. We often got piggyback rides to bed. Mom fell asleep reading us stories. They wanted bedtime to be fun, not dreaded, so they were fun.

The hidden key for a successful bedtime routine is the tone set by the parents.

So many of us are tired, stressed, and out of patience when bedtime finally rolls around. Unfortunately, our kids can feel what is going on under the surface and often unknowingly mimic those emotions.

Therefore, bedtime is the time to dig deep. “Fake it ’til you make it.”

If you want bedtime to be fun, you be fun.

If you want bedtime to be calm, you be calm.

Over time, your consistent bedtime routine and the tone you set will become habit for the whole household. Soon enough, the necessary transition from wake to sleep will be less battle and more bliss.

What struggles do you have at bedtime? What is your best bedtime advice? Please share in the comments!

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