How to Build a Strong Parenting Tribe (And Why You Should)

If we want to live our highest life and be the best parent possible, we will create and take advantage of opportunities to counsel with, learn from, and lean on others. We won’t try to do life alone. Instead, we will build a strong parenting tribe.

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I searched job listings every day. On a whim one night, I filled out an application. A few days later I had an interview and shortly thereafter I was hired! I was excited about the work, knew it fit my skill set, and was hopeful it would lead to my ideal job.

Fast forward a year and our family was not meeting our financial goals. I had not received the advancement I hoped for. While there were many positive sides of this particular job, it had also caused family challenges and made some important aspects of life harder rather than easier.

In significant ways, this job was a failure.

However, it didn’t have to be so. In looking back at how this job came about, I recognized that I had made a mistake in the process: I had done it all myself. Rather than counseling with my husband or other people who had my best interest at heart, I just did it. There were realities about this job someone else would have pointed out to me.

Many of us try to live or parent independently. This can leave us making preventable mistakes, repeatedly learning from trial and error, or feeling alone and exhausted.

I learned from this failure that I don’t have to do life all by myself.

If we want to live our highest life and be the best parent possible, we will create and take advantage of opportunities to counsel with, learn from, and lean on others. We won’t try to do life alone. Instead, we will build a parenting tribe.

Why We Try to Go it Alone

There are three main reasons we often try to do things on our own.

1. Habit

As parents, the amount of work we get done is incredible. We go, go, go and do, do, do. With so much expected, we just get used to getting things done. We get into a habit of independently going about our work. We may also believe this is what is required or expected.

2. Pride

Sometimes, we just think we know best and that we already have the answers. Maybe we believe we can do it all by ourselves. It’s not always easy to hear, but the truth is that we all struggle with pride at times.

3. Fear

We may fear what others will think if we ask them questions. “Shouldn’t I already know this? It seems like everyone else does.” Maybe we fear rejection or that others don’t have the time or means to help us. Our fears can hold us back in countless ways.

When we recognize that our habits, pride, or fears are preventing us from being our best selves, we can change. We can create new habits that put us in positions to consistently learn from others and draw help and strength from them.

Four People Everyone Needs in their Parenting Tribe

Here are four people we should each counsel with on a regular basis and ideas for how to regularly connect with each.

1. Spouse or Other Caregivers

As co-leaders of the family, both parents need to be purposefully involved. Other caregivers see our kids in action and may have insightful advice. The real challenge for many is finding the time to make that time with a spouse or caregiver happen. My personal problem is falling asleep when we chat. Yes, I’m one of those who can fall asleep in the middle of a sentence.

Many couples find success with scheduling (and protecting) a regular, weekly date night. It doesn’t matter whether you go out or date in after the kids go to bed. Scheduling a weekend road trip can allow partners time to discuss family matters. Periodically, meet up for lunch or let the kids watch a movie so you can focus. Importantly, the desire to talk about issues and genuinely listen to each other will be the driving force in making it happen.

2. An Experienced Parent

Wisdom comes with experience, so find an experienced person and learn from their wisdom. Turn to your parent, stopover at a neighbor’s, or visit the nursing home. Find someone who has “been there, done that.” These people have priceless perspective and an incredible power to guide your decisions for good. We may think our challenges are different than in ages past, but humanity’s difficulties are timeless. Lessons they learned, while in a different setting, will apply to our lives as well.

Meaningful connections with experienced parents come as we ask thoughtful questions. Ask about specific challenges you face or seek general recommendations. You could even listen to that unsolicited advice offered at the grocery store!

3. A Current Parent

Sometimes it’s helpful to learn from someone that’s in your same shoes. Maybe they understand the specifics of your situation and can offer unique insight. Perhaps they are aware of current resources that help or can offer to babysit while you get things worked out.

Confide in a sibling, strike up a conversation with a parent at the park, or exchange numbers with the other parents at your kids’ games or activities. Find a group that wants to exercise or do a preschool group together. Hey, you could even email me. I’ll be a part of your tribe.

This doesn’t need to become a weekly checklist item, but developing these relationships will provide much-needed support.

4. The Divine

Make life a matter of prayer. Consistently take quiet time to connect with the Divine and reflect on what you want to know or desire help with. This higher power loves you and your children infinitely and will find ways to strengthen, guide, and help you when you are open to it.

These four will make your parenting tribe powerful.

Don’t Hand Over the Reigns

I am not advocating a turn-it-over to others parenting style. I do not suggest we freeze with indecision and require another’s approval before moving forward with all of our decisions. More often than we realize, our gut is right. Additionally, our personal decisions ultimately rest with us.

However, the more we regularly learn from others, the more collective wisdom we will gain. This will lead us to make better decisions during those times when for one reason or another we need to be independent or spontaneous.

We can be in this parenting thing together. We can build a tribe around ourselves, and the collective wisdom, support, and strength of that tribe will make us better parents tomorrow than we are today.

How strong is your parenting tribe? How has your tribe helped you? Share in the comments.

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