How to Prepare Emotionally for a Second Baby
It’s exciting and scary. You’ve had a baby before, so a part of you feels like you should know what you’re doing. But you don’t. And that’s okay. There are so many questions. I love my first baby soooo much. Will I be able to love another like that? Is it normal to feel anxious about having a second baby? Are second babies always harder? What if my first was already pretty hard; am I going to be able to handle it? In this post, we’ll dig into these questions and more to help you know how to prepare emotionally for a second baby and get your family emotionally ready as well.
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Growing your family is such an exciting time! It’s going to be so fun to see your first become an older sibling and watch that special relationship develop. It’s beautiful to have another little soul to get to know and love. And honestly, the fun really does multiply with the chaos! 🙂 In this post, I’ll answer some of the common questions about how to prepare emotionally for a second baby, but if you have more, ask away in the comments! My goal is to help you simplify your parenting life, so you and your Littles can experience more calm, confidence, and joy.
I remember being pregnant with my second baby and asking some of these questions myself.
So, let’s dig into those questions!
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Will I Be Able to Love My Second Baby as Much as My First?
We’re starting off with a big one! And it’s one that sometimes we don’t want to admit we’re asking because of course we’re going to love our baby!
But there’s still a question because your first is so amazing! And you love that kid so incredibly much it’s unbelievable!
We wonder if we’ll be able to love another like that. Will we think our second is just as amazing, or will they always secretly play second fiddle to our oldest?
There’s something really cool that I’ve seen with every one of my five babies: each baby is different.
Your Baby Will Be Different Too
Now my kids happen to look a lot alike. In fact, if I show my younger kids pictures of the older ones at the same ages, they think it’s them. 🙂 But each child really is unique. One is really quick to laugh. Another notices details and thinks really hard. One is a little performer, while another is pretty shy. Some love snuggling. Others love projects and doing.
There really is no comparison between different kids.
As you come to know this new baby, you’ll have a unique relationship with each child. You’ll see the good in each and the opportunities for learning in each as they grow up.
And somehow, miraculously almost, you’ll love each child with an infinite love.
Before having children, I thought I knew what it would feel like to love my kids. I didn’t. And our capacity to love endlessly, to think the entire world of many human beings, is one of the greatest gifts of parenthood.
Is It Normal to Feel Anxious about Having a Second Baby?
Yep! Yes! It sure is! Totally normal.
I hope answering some of these other questions will help relieve some of the anxiety, but this is a new life stage you’re entering. It’s completely normal to feel unsure or worry about different things.
Here are three tips to lessen the anxiety:
- Find someone you can ask questions.
- Do you have a parent or friend who’s already had multiple children? Ask them your questions. Trust me, they’ll love sharing their hard-won wisdom! You can always ask me too…I’m happy to be an online friend!
- Lean into your confidence.
- Remember, you have been parenting well, and think about how much you didn’t know before. You have the capacity to learn and grow. This next baby will stretch you too, but you can do it.
- Remember what matters most.
- Learning to care for two can take time. Give yourself grace if somethings fall by the wayside in the process. Remember the most important thing is that your children know you love them and will be there for them. You’re going to care for them well. The dishes, work responsibilities, and other things that pull on you can wait. You’ve got this!
Are Second Babies Always Harder?
You mamas with really hard first babies are dreading this answer, I’m sure! But as you probably imagine when you really think about it, there is no set rule about which babies are harder. Each child really is unique, not just in a cliche snowflake way.
Some baby temperaments are easier for some parents, and some are more difficult. A lot goes into what makes a baby easier or harder, including individual baby personality, health, parenting style, and more.
Something that’s helped me is to try to not compare my kiddos. It’s okay if something that worked well for the first doesn’t work for the second. Be willing to learn new things with each baby and every stage.
(And I hope this one is easy for you! 🙂 )
Can I Handle Two Kids?
Having another baby sounded like a good idea at one point, but as delivery grows nearer, it’s totally normal to question your own sanity. What was I thinking? Can I really handle another kid? This is going to be crazy!
It might get crazy at times, but yes, you can handle two kids.
One of the best ways for how to prepare emotionally for a second baby is to realize that you won’t be able to meet all the needs, all the time, and that’s okay. There will be times when both kids will cry or both kids will need you at the same time. But know that it’s actually healthy for your kids. Having a sibling teaches patience. It helps kids grow in healthy independence. It helps kids see each other’s needs and learn to help out sooner.
Here are some ways to prepare for handling a second baby:
- Get your shopping done early.
- Prepare some activities for your older child to do while you take care of baby (nursing, bathing, etc.)
- Ideas: keep some books near where you’ll nurse, so you can read stories to older sibling while nursing. Start practicing independent play right now and know which toys your older child enjoys for that.
- Plan for one-on-one time with each of your kids.
- Whether this happens during nap time or you set up babysitting for one of the kids every once in a while, get in the habit of creating special time with each child.
- Get your home systems in order.
- Figure out your meal plan, how to clean in less time, and put some meals in the freezer, so you have less household work when your second baby arrives.
- The Simple Systems Starter Guide is a great help for this, teaching three steps for creating time-saving systems that work.
How Can I Emotionally Prepare My Family for Our Second Baby?
It’s so smart to think about your family unit this way.
For your spouse or partner, be sure to keep lines of communication open. Talk about your worries and share that it’s okay if they have worries too. There’s a tendency for kids to pull time away from couples, so set a plan right now for how you’ll continue to make time for each other. Maybe it’s a date night once a week. A simple thing that’s really helped us through many kids and all that pulls on our time is holding hands to pray together every night.
This time to connect every day and share an emotionally intimate moment, even if it’s short or we’re tired, has truly strengthened our relationship.
For your older child, help the new baby be an exciting addition to the family. Let your child step into a role of helper. Babies are pretty resilient, so as you supervise and keep baby safe, allow your older child to hold and snuggle the baby. Prepare for baby’s arrival earlier rather than later.
Ways to Prepare an Older Sibling for a New Baby
Think about what’s going to change with a baby and make some of those changes now, so that the new arrival doesn’t get the blame for everything. For example, with a baby, you won’t be able to carry an older sibling all the time. So, practice walking while holding hands or saying things like, “Mommy’s hands are busy right now. Can you please walk?” Don’t make the first time this happens be because of the baby.
Other examples include transitioning to a new bed or crib if needed or trying out the new stroller if necessary. If your older one is a toddler and you’re thinking of toilet training, the sooner the better. Or plan on waiting until after baby’s arrival and things settle down again.
Another great way to prepare a child for a new sibling is to get a Baby Doll and practice taking care of a baby or look at pictures of when your oldest was a baby and tell stories about when they were younger. Additionally, you can read stories about being a big sister or big brother. Some good books include I’m a Big Sister, I’m a Big Brother, and Arthur and the Baby.
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How to Prepare Emotionally for a Second Baby?
I hope this helps you feel a little more prepared emotionally for your second baby. As I said, it’s totally normal to have some worries when you move into a new life stage. It can be really helpful to write in a journal about how you’re feeling or talk it out with someone else. I know getting my worries out of my head in one of these ways is really helpful for me.
Take deep breaths. Get as much sleep as you can. And cherish the simple moments you have with your oldest child. Things do change. And although it’s sad in some ways to change, it’s a really beautiful thing to grow your family. You’ll love the new relationships in your home. You’ll step up to the challenges and grow in new ways. Your baby is blessed to be joining your family, and your family will be blessed by this new arrival!
Do you have more questions about how to prepare emotionally for a second baby? What worries do you have about how to get ready for baby #2? What are you most excited for with your second baby? Share in the comments!
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