Our Child Had Low Confidence...Here's What Helped [12 Simple Ways to Boost Confidence and Develop Lasting Self-Worth] • Lovin' Life with Littles

We want our kids to feel confident and competent, ready to take on the world because we know they can. We hope our kids bounce back after failures, learn from their experiences, and develop into the best form of themselves. But sometimes our child has low confidence or a fear of failure which holds them back. These 12 ideas help boost confidence and develop a lasting sense of self-worth.

It's hard when a child has low confidence and struggles with a fear of failure. These 12 tips will help boost confidence for children and develop a lasting sense of self-worth. #lowconfidence #childhaslowconfidence #helpchildwithlowconfidence #boostconfidence #teachchildconfidence #increaseselfworth #increaseselfesteem #fearoffailure #failure #helpkidsfail #growthmindset #teachkidsgrowthmindset From www.lovinlifewithlittles.com.

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My Child’s Low Confidence

It’s not fun to look back at this particular time.

Honestly, it was a really difficult season with one of my kids. Among other things, we endured cataclysmic reactions to correction, perfectionist tendencies at school, pointing blame at others, and hyper competitiveness with instant excuses for losing. While these behaviors were disruptive for the family, exhausting, and truly hard for me to handle, the worst part was seeing how unhappy my child was in these situations.

Eventually, I realized that for my child these behaviors all stemmed from a strong fear of failure because for this kid failure meant, “I’m not quite good enough.” (A child with low confidence or a fear of failure can show it in many different ways.)

My child had low confidence and only a small understanding of self-worth.

This is not the realization any parent wants to have.

The Deep-Rooted Confidence We Want for Our Kids

And there’s nothing we want more than for our children to know how absolutely valuable they are.

It doesn’t matter what they do or don’t do, how they look, or what job they end up with. These are our children. They have inherent, infinite worth. And we want our children to feel their self-worth in a deep and lasting way.

Why My Child Had Low Confidence

I recognized that in some ways, we were failing our child, or at least not meeting needs as best as possible. It felt awful to know that. But it also allowed me to improve for the good of this kid that I love so much.

And in other ways, this was just part of my child’s path.

These were skills and understanding that needed to be learned and just hadn’t developed yet.

My child needed to come to understand more deeply about self-worth, confidence, and failure.

The Solution to Low Confidence and Fear of Failure

Our kids need to know that at their core they are good. They are worthy and have value. Now is the time for learning, growing, changing, and developing to become the best version of themselves. Part of that path is messing up. It’s making mistakes and experiencing hard things. But who they are and who they were always meant to be is good, so keep progressing toward that.

There are a lot of things in life that don’t matter so much. They are fun or interesting or give us good experiences. They are often worth our time, but never worth our misery. The most important thing is to learn how to be a good person, how to treat people kindly, and care about others as well as themselves because this is where lasting joy comes from.

Self-Confidence Can Develop

I read books and picked the brains of other parents I trusted. I prayed for guidance and patience. A lot of patience. And we were very intentional.

We enlisted help of dear teachers who made an incredible impact for which I am so grateful. Learning about a growth mindset from a different caring adult connected with my child in a way I wasn’t. It made a tangible and stark difference for good.

Over time, we have both grown and changed.

And we are living with a different child now. This child understands that brains and abilities develop. This child takes responsibility, recognizes that mistakes aren’t fatal, listens to correction, and can handle losing. Usually. 🙂

I mean, we’re all still working on it, right?

Most importantly, this kid smiles a lot more. This kid is happy and confident and is embracing the full sense of self-worth.

12 Simple Ways to Boost Confidence and Develop Lasting Self-Worth

So, if your child is also struggling with low confidence or a fear of failure, know that can change. Here are 12 simple ways to boost confidence and increase feelings of self worth. These are ideas I have learned, tried, and applied. They have helped my child who had low confidence, as well as all of the rest of us.

I hope they help you too.

1. Explain Self-worth

Explain self-worth with simple words. Share personal stories, object lessons, or some of the other ideas in this post to reinforce your words. Schedule a family time to teach or take advantage of spontaneous teaching moments during the day.

For example, I was at the school Book Fair last year and saw an old dollar bill. A quote came to mind and sank in. I had to take a picture.

"I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill- crumpled, torn, dirty, abused, and scarred. But...I am still worth the full 20 dollars." Use this as a simple object lesson about self-worth. Click through for more great ideas to boost confidence in children from www.lovinlifewithlittles.com. #confidence #raiseconfidentchild #selfworth #selfconfidence #boostconfidence #individualworth #objectlessonaboutselfworth

We can use everyday examples like this to explain to our kids ideas of self-worth.

2. Spend One-on-One Time with your Child

Spending one-on-one time with our kids is sending them an invaluable message: you are worth my time and attention. This is a powerful way to help kids understand their worth. It’s also a fun time to connect and meet their needs. You can include one-on-one time as part of your bedtime routine, schedule it on your calendar, or take advantage of opportunities like driving to a practice.

3. Allow Kids to Fail Meaningfully

It was Friday afternoon, and I clearly reminded everyone that their helper jobs needed to be done before they could play on Saturday. As it got closer and closer to play time, one child still had not completed the assigned responsibilities. At that point, I could have done the chore for my child, said it didn’t need to be done after all, or let my child fail.

That Saturday, my child cleaned a bedroom while everyone else had fun.

We need to let our kids fail.

However, we want to help them fail meaningfully. That means they are learning things from their failures. So although my child was very distraught about missing out on fun family time, I helped him realize that he survived the failure. Plus, he would have another chance next weekend. We can help our kids process and evaluate, so they can learn from the experience.

The next week, this child had all the chores done by Friday at 4pm and was involved in every moment of Saturday fun.

Just to be clear, our kids don’t need to fail at everything to learn the lesson. We can protect, keep them safe, and guide them, while still allowing them to learn important lessons.

4. Teach a Growth Mindset

With a growth mindset, we believe that our abilities can change. On the other hand, a fixed mindset sees abilities as fixed or set in stone. For example, someone speaking with a fixed mindset might say, “I’m not very good at basketball. But someone with a growth mindset might say, “I’m not very good at basketball yet.”

A growth mindset doesn’t negate talent or differences in abilities. Rather it realizes that everyone can change over time.

One study showed that when kids were taught about a growth mindset, they improved academically and were more likely to enroll in more difficult classes. They had increased confidence in their ability to master more difficult concepts.

So, teach your kids that our brains and abilities can change (they’re malleable), and help them see examples of that.

5. Praise Effort & Progress Over Perfection

We want to be praising and complimenting our kids every day. What we praise is important. Choosing to praise effort and progress over perfection or fixed characteristics fosters the growth mindset.

For example, “reams of research show that kids who are praised for being smart fixate on performance, shying away from taking risks and meeting potential failure.” It’s more helpful for us to praise sincere effort, progress, or the process.

Additionally, praise strengthens our parent-child bond. Research shows that relationships are stronger when there are five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Developing a strong, steady parental bond helps kids feel their own worth.

6. Develop a New Talent Together

Whether it’s experimenting with new recipes or taking a tap dance class together, trying new things is a great way to boost a child’s confidence. By doing it together, you can model that learning is fun. You can show that when the food burns or the dance flops, we can be disappointed, but it doesn’t affect our worth. It’s one of those things to spend time on but not misery.

7. Let Kids See You Fail

Didn’t get the job you wanted? Tell your kids about it. Feel rejected by another PTA mom? Share that with your child. Let your kids see that “failure” is a normal part of everyday life, not something to be feared or avoided. Model how you hope your kids handle failure by accepting your emotions, learning from the experience, and intentionally moving forward.

8. Read Empowering Books

Reading books is a powerful way to learn. Kids connect with stories and characters. When they see their lives or experiences mirrored in books, kids learn new things. Find books that affirm self-worth, teach how to learn from failure, and prioritize being a good person.

Here are few good ones.

Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty

In Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty, Rosie secretly longs to be an engineer. After Rosie faces multiple failures and nearly gives up on her dream, a wise aunt helps her. “Your brilliant first flop was a raging success! Come on, let’s get busy and on to the next!” I love Rosie’s character, the unique and detailed illustrations, and the message of this book.