3 Powerful Ways to Simplify Parenting Life
The tagline for my website is “Parenting Life Simplified.” So at one point, I sat myself down and asked, “Ok Marielle. What’s the answer? How do you simplify parenting life?” (Am I the only one that talks to myself?) I’d already been writing about parenting and coaching parents for quite a while at that point, so several things came to mind. But going with the theme of simple, 😉 I made myself narrow down to three powerful ways to simplify parenting life. Here they are.
3 Powerful Ways to Simplify Parenting Life
Parenting life is not easy. From everything that pulls on our attention and the responsibilities of taking care of a home and family to the concerns we have about what to teach our kids and how to handle their challenges, parenting stretches us in ways we never imagined. There are also a lot of tasks and thoughts that creep into parenting and complicate life beyond the necessary.
So when we wonder how to simplify parenting, a long list of hacks could come to mind. And I do share tons of cleaning hacks, how to be less busy, parenting tips, and such. But I promise, when you pay attention first to the big picture, find ways to simplify parenting life by focusing on what really matters most, you will simplify life infinitely more than any list of hacks can. So here are three of those big picture ways to simplify parenting life.
3 Ways to Simplify Parenting Life:
- Find clarity and maintain perspective about our role as parents and how to fill it.
- Focus on connection.
- Start and stick with intentional systems and habits.
So that’s it, clarity & perspective, connection, and systems are three things that really simplify your life with children and life in general!
Let’s dig a little deeper into each of these things.
Grab the Simple Systems Starter Guide today. It’s a great step toward simplifying your parenting life!
#1 How to Simplify Parenting with Clarity & Perspective
At any given moment, there are a thousand things we could be working on, doing, or improving as parents. In one of my Parenting Overwhelm Masterclasses, one mom described it perfectly when she said, “There are so many dang nails! Which nail do I need to hammer right now?”
Knowing which nail to hammer is having clarity. And let me tell you, when you’re confident you’re hammering the right nail, life feels simpler no matter how hard it is to hammer that particular nail.
General Clarity
Clarity about our general role as parents can happen pretty fast. Our role as parents can be summed up with three things:
1. Provide for and protect our children.
2. Teach our kids as best we can how to be healthy and happy.
3. Love our children unconditionally.
Do all the possible activities, provide all the new gadgets, and be practically perfect in every way are not part of our necessary role as parents.
Sometimes we make the mistake of feeling like everything we do (or could do) is equally important. Or we have the natural tendency to get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to pause to figure out what we really want to do as parents.
It takes real intention to learn how to fulfill our role in the day to day with our particular children. Only you can decide moment-to-moment how that looks and what really matters most for you and your child. You may want to get ruthless with prioritization and choose the one thing your kids need most from you right now. You might also want to write a Stop Doing list. This big picture clarity is one of the best ways to simplify parenting because it shows us everything we don’t have to do.
Specific Clarity
Within our parenting role, there are countless specific questions we might ask. For example, maybe you’re wondering how to help a child who’s often frustrated or angry. We may know we want to teach this child emotional regulation skills in order to help them be happy and healthy, but we might not know how to do that.
Anytime we’re looking for clarity for a specific parenting situation, it’s helpful to think of it as continuing education. Doctors, teachers, and most professionals are required to participate in continuing education. It only makes sense that parenting, one of the hardest jobs in the world, requires the same.
So set aside time to learn. Look to professionals, other parents you respect, and your own personal sources of strength for answers.
Parenting Perspective
Something we need to develop in order to hold onto clarity is perspective.
Perspective refers literally to our point of view. Practice looking at your parenting tasks from different points of view like that of your child right now or you in five years. Take a step back and remind yourself of your parenting vision, your clarity. Regularly ask, “What matters most in this moment?” This is parenting perspective.
Perspective is the knowledge that adds up to help us see what’s most important in any given moment. It shows us how to best help our kids, how to react (or not react), how to forgive ourselves (and our kids when they push our buttons). Perspective lets us let go of all the other things; it gives us the ability to simplify in the sense of doing LESS so that we can embrace what matters most.
One Way to Find Clarity and Perspective
Set aside personal quiet time each day. Devote some of this time to asking the big questions about your parenting stage and searching for answers. Reflect on what matters most in your relationship with your child and how well you’re fulfilling your parenting role. Set goals or intentions for how you want to show up for your kids and in life in general.
If you don’t already have a habit of daily personal quiet time, it can seem nearly impossible to fit it into a busy life. But you can, and it’s totally worth it. You can find practical tips about starting this habit here: One Powerful Habit for Greater Peace and Confidence.
#2 Why Connection Makes Parenting Easier
Connection is a very real human need. When we learn to focus on and foster connection, we solve a lot of parenting problems for ourselves and our children. It’s amazing how having a personal support system makes life easier, and it’s amazing how often the answer to what our kids need is connection. Remember,
The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
Robert Waldinger, Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development
As parents, connection includes a connection with others (both our kids and other adults), ourselves (we need to treat ourselves like a friend), and the Divine. This kind of support system and connection helps to simplify your life with children. Parenting (and life!) is not meant to be done alone.
Here are a few posts to help you connect in meaningful ways with others:
- How to Build a Strong Parenting Tribe (and Why You Need One)
- How to Connect with a Difficult Child
- 101 One-on-One Ideas for Parent and Child Bonding
#3 Use Systems to Simplify Your Life with Children
Systems create time and calm for us to find clarity and connection. They cover the nuts and bolts of parenting and keep life sane. That’s why systems is such a great place to start.
So what is a system? A system is “an organized framework or method.” It’s like a purposeful routine or habit.
We can create systems or routines for bedtime, daily personal quiet time, keeping the home clean, mealtimes, connecting with our kids and other loved ones, and more.
How Systems Simplify Parenting
Systems simplify parenting because number one, when we put in the time and intentionality to create a system that works, we save ourselves TONS of time in making decisions down the road.
And number two, when we make something a system, it saves time and energy because it gets easier for us and our kids to do.
That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do has increased.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
And number three, effective systems create the framework that allows us to also develop our ability to fulfill our parenting role and cultivate perspective and connection.
Our systems or routines become our really effective how for reaching our ultimate what of calm, confident parenting and a stronger, happier family.
You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.
James Clear in Atomic Habits
An Invitation to Simplify Parenting
My challenge for you today is to take one thing that stresses you in your parenting life (meals, cleaning, bedtime, no time for real connection, etc.). Consider how it fits into your parenting role. Is this necessary and important? If so, use the Simple Systems Starter Guide to plan a better routine for making it happen.
As you can imagine, none of these three things happens instantly with the snap of our fingers or the birthing of a child. However, clarity & perspective, connection, and intentional routines can all be developed. Intention, practical steps, and perseverance will get you there.
You can find more calm, confidence, and joy as you simplify, especially as you focus on these three big picture ways to simplify parenting life.
Which of these ways to simplify parenting life is most helpful for you? Which is most challenging? Why? Share in the comments!
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