One Simple Habit for Greater Peace and Confidence

Life is stressful. It’s busy and loud. Challenges are constant regarding how to spend our limited time and how to best make a difference in the lives of our loved ones. We want to rock this parenting thing, but sometimes it rocks us. Sometimes it even capsizes our tiny ship.

Gratefully, a life of stress, overwhelm, and insecurities is not the only option. The truth is that we can find calm, confidence, and compassion no matter what is going on around us. Strength and serenity begin with what goes on inside of us.

And the truly great news is that getting to this place begins very simply. It’s not difficult or complex. It’s as straightforward as decide and follow-through.

A life of peace and confidence begins with one simple habit, a habit you can start today.

One Simple, Personal Habit

If I could offer one bit of advice that has helped me get through stressful times, find calm in the chaos, increase in confidence, and live a joyful life, it would be this: embrace a habit of daily quiet. I call this Personal Quiet Time (PQT).

I know. You don’t have time for that. It’s a luxury you can’t afford with lovely Littles in your life. But you need to. And you can. Here’s how.

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Why It’s Worth Your Time

We all have more options to fill our time than minutes in a lifetime. So I promise I wouldn’t suggest a DAILY habit if I didn’t believe it was truly worth your time. While the benefits are endless, I’m going to focus on five of them.

Exceptional parents get three things right in life. First, they have crystal clarity about their priorities. Second, they implement powerful habits or routines that align with those priorities. Third, they never stop learning.

The genius of this daily habit of quiet, it is that it allows us to hit on all three success factors at once. It is that proverbial stone, or as my brother once famously said, it lets you “hit a lot of ducks with one rock.” So the first three benefits come from these success factors and the last two follow.

Benefit #1: Clarity

A daily quiet time allows you to reflect, reshape, and connect with your priorities. It is so incredibly easy to forget. We decide to stop yelling at our kids, and we genuinely want to do it. So how is it we find ourselves raising our voices one hour later? We have to connect to our goals and sources of strength Every Single Day. If for no other reason, we need all the help we can get to simply remember.

Another byproduct of this clarity is inner peace and calm. When we understand and remember what really matters, we are able to let go of the rest. We can handle the unexpected mess or public tantrum with grace, recognizing that how we treat our kids matters far beyond how our home looks or what fellow shoppers think of us.

Benefit #2: Routine

Daily quiet is a powerful habit or routine that aligns with our priorities. By making it a routine, it becomes easier. With practice, it takes less effort to carve out the time. Simultaneously, we get more and more out of our quiet. In a moment we’ll dig into specific ideas about how to make it even more powerful for you.

Benefit #3: Lifelong Learning

Imagine a job description like the following.

Wanted: One individual to fulfill multiple roles including chef, cheuffer, teacher, housekeeper, treasurer, referree, and therapist. Hours: 24 per day, 7 days a week. Pay: None.

Title: Parent

That description doesn’t even truly begin to detail the true and diverse difficulties of parenting.

Parenting is hard! No matter what you see on Pinterest or Instagram, nobody is getting it right all of the time. Plus, what works for one of our kids, may not work for another. We have to continually learn.

Quiet time allows us the time to address our questions and continually learn intentionally.

Benefit #4: More Confidence

This lifelong learning mentality is one of our sources of confidence. We cultivate a mindset that understands that although I may not know how to handle this situation right now, I can learn. I can do this.

And when you seek, you will find. Whether it is a deep question about how to feel more love in your life or less significantly (I guess depending on how tired you are) how to get your toddler to stay in bed, answers for questions that matter are out there.

As you find what works for your current stage and learn the deeper lessons of life, you will become the exceptional parent you want to be. (Side note: you’re already probably doing better than you think!) This competence breeds further confidence.

Benefit #5: Stress Relief

Haven’t you ever looked at the chaos that is sometimes your life and felt, “What I wouldn’t give for twenty minutes of peace and quiet!”?

Well, I’m giving you permission to take it. This habit of a daily quiet time can do wonders to relieve stress, making you a calmer, kinder parent and person. With relieved stress comes greater peace.

One source of stress is sheer overwhelm. Part of your quiet time could be a brain dump with all you “need” to do and formulating a plan that focuses on your priorities to make it happen. Your quiet time can serve as a fresh start or reset. This plan, restart, and your subsequent confidence relieve stress.

One study showed that even one session of mindfulness meditation relieved anxiety. Meditation, deep breathing, and physical relaxation can be part of your quiet time.

How to Make it Happen

In our noisy world, where social media updates, music, or work is only a click away, we have to fight for this quiet time. It’s not going to magically fall upon us. But when we do, when we choose to be intentional about life rather than letting it sweep us by, when we carve out time to reflect, question, and listen, incredible things will begin to happen.

This is where the decision and follow-through comes into place. Making your quiet time happen begins by deciding you want to make it happen. Make the commitment to try it for two weeks and see how you feel. No excuses, my friend.

I suggest aiming for twenty minutes of quiet time. If you feel more is beneficial and you can make it happen at this stage of life, go for it. And while even five minutes will have a benefit, twenty is a good amount to get into a thought pattern. Additionally, twenty minutes is realistic, no matter what your life looks like.

Suggestions for Finding Twenty Minutes a Day

• Wake up twenty minutes earlier.
• Cut out one TV show.
• Don’t check email or social media until you have your quiet time. (These activities tend to balloon to fill the time we give them. Give them less time and somehow it will still be enough.)
• Enlist your kids’ help with laundry or another household chore so you can use naptime or bedtime for your quiet time.
• Trade babysitting with a friend once a week. Use twenty minutes for quiet and the rest for other productivity to create time for other days.
• Make quiet time a family affair. Get out books, blocks, or puzzles for Littles. Set a timer during which everyone is quiet. With practice, this CAN work.
• Consider what you are giving up for twenty minutes. Does it do you more good than this habit has the potential to do?

What Quiet Time Looks Like

There is no end to the options for your quiet time. Experiment with different ways to use your time, and contemplate how each impacts your day or life. In general, the time should be quiet and personal. Unplug. Consider some of the following ideas.

• Review your past day and set your intention for your next day.
• Learn a self-guided meditation.
• Lay under the stars and reflect.
• Pray.
• Read scripture or other enlightening books.
• Write in a journal.
• Brain dump your challenges and questions. Brainstorm ways to learn about them.
• Dig deep into your personal priorities and long and short-term goals.
• Consider and study a specific challenge your child has.
• Think about your blessings.

Ideas to Make Your Quiet Time Powerful

As you try different ways to utilize your personal quiet time, you will find that there are good, better, and best for you. I have found that three things bring my quiet time into the best category and make this a truly powerful habit.

1. Keep a Running List
   • This list can include questions you want to ponder or study, books you want to read, and ways you want to use your quiet time.
   • Keep the list handy so you can add to it as ideas come to you. I use the notes section on my phone.
   • Don’t be tied down to your list. Pay attention to impressions about how you should or want to use your time. The list allows you to be intentional about ideas that come at different times.
2. Write
   • Periodically write down what you are learning. Remember how easy it is for us to forget! By recording your new-found knowledge, you save it forever. You can also write about your current challenges, which allows you to go back and contemplate the progression of your learning.
   • Journaling has a plethora of other benefits. This article lists some of the benefits of journaling.
3. Invite the Divine into Your Life
   • Invite the influence of the Divine into your daily life. Pay attention to answered prayers and inspiration. Try to follow-through with what you learn.
   • When you consecrate this time to personal growth and seek Divine intervention, you will recognize answers to your life’s challenges. Sometimes the answers will come even before you realize you need them. Additionally, you will begin to realize that you are changing. You will grow in your capacity to love others, feel peace, and live confidently. You are infinitely loved and the Divine can help you know it and feel it. That feeling of love will influence for good every aspect of your life.

Simply Start

I know how stressed you are. I know how you feel like you just can’t do it all. That nagging voice in the back of your head keeps whispering that you’re not quite good enough. When you look at others, it’s easy to see where they thrive and you seem to flail.

And I know that suggesting you should add one more thing to your schedule might seem daunting. However, the only reason I even suggest it is because of the incredible potential it has for your good.

Our family recently experienced a super stressful time. With several part-time jobs, an incredibly busy hubby, leadership of a community organization, other responsibilities, plus five children to raise and nurture, I should have keeled over from stress.

Instead, I survived. Not only did I survive, I was able to find joy in my children and my life. I felt calm and peaceful more often than not. As I look back at that time, I recognize that my commitment to personal, daily quiet time kept me centered. It invited the Divine into my life, which blessed me beyond my ability to describe. It helped me feel confident that I could handle this stage and left me at peace.

I want that for you.

I want you to feel calm, confident, and joyful in your life as a parent. You can, and an easy simple step is committing to your own daily quiet time. Be intentional about creating a life you love, the one you are meant to live.

Simply start.

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