How To-Do Lists Can Ruin Your Life

I love To-Do Lists. More accurately, I love the satisfaction of checking those littles boxes off on my To-Do Lists. I have even been guilty of writing things on my list that I have already accomplished, just so I can mark it off. Yes, I’m a bit crazy. Plus, when it comes to managing my home and keeping our family organized, checklists are among my best tools for increasing productivity. However, To-Do Lists done wrong can ruin your life.

The Value of Checklists

Checklists are a major part of the way I organize and manage my home and life. These checklists are simple, free, and powerful when used right. They increase productivity, clear our minds, and foster organization. Additionally, as I mentioned, it is incredibly satisfying to check those little boxes or cross off those tasks.

However, even with all these positive attributes, To-Do Lists have the potential to ruin your life.

Today I am sharing the two most common To-Do List pitfalls and three tips for keeping your lists in check.

Although checklists are the focus of this post, as that is how it often plays out in my home and experience, the same problems can be attached to productivity in general. I invite you to read and evaluate how these common pitfalls might apply to your life and situation.

Pitfall #1: To-Do Lists Ruin Our Lives by Setting us up for Failure

About a month ago, I made a list for the following day and went to bed excited to be productive. However, in the night, one of the Littles got sick. The next morning, plans were canceled, and instead I spent the day cleaning up vomit, changing loads of newly soiled laundry, and reading to my sick kiddo.

I didn’t cross one item off my To-Do List that day.

This is not an isolated incident either. Oftentimes, the list I write on Monday doesn’t get completed until Thursday and sometimes not until the following Monday. (In fact, I probably have lists from five years ago that still aren’t finished.)

On a good day, I recognize that although my list is untouched, I have been busy with more important work.

However, on a bad day, it’s easy ask, “What did I even do all day?” Comparison may come next for some. “So and so accomplishes so much. She works outside of the home, bakes homemade bread, sews her kids’ Halloween costumes, volunteers with the Girl Scouts, and walks old ladies across the street.”

When we don’t finish our preconceived To-Do lists, it’s easy to feel like we don’t quite measure up. Sadness is often the result of unmet expectations. When the expectations for ourselves go unfulfilled, we can get down on ourselves and our lives.

Pitfall #2: To-Do Lists Ruin our Lives by Diverting our Focus

I often write my list of to-do’s at night or first thing in the morning. Then I am set. I have my plan for the day. I am ready to be productive and focused. Checklists have the capacity to keep our attention on their contents. That’s part of their charm and why they work so well.

However, sometimes the items on those lists are not where our focus really ought to be. In our well-intentioned efforts to be productive, we can forget why we are doing it all. Our lists can actually distract us from what matters most.

Too often, I have been anxious to complete a job around the house and have missed a chance to connect with one of my children. We might be so focused on the grocery list that we fail to help a fellow shopper. As work tasks fill our minds, we may forget our co-workers are real people with needs we may be able to meet.

Tips for Healthy, Helpful Checklists

1. Keep Your Lists Short

I recently ran into a neighbor at the doctor’s office. She was bringing her third child in for an infant check-up. When I asked how things were going, she expressed some frustration and exhaustion. I thought back to when my third child was born and told her, “I remember calling my mom and telling her I had figured out how to be a good mom: just keep your to-do list really short.”

Two weeks later I talked to the same neighbor. She told me that one small piece of advice had made all the difference.

When I originally called my mom all those years ago, I meant it as a sort of joke (albeit not a very good one). You know, like as a mom you can’t do anything else. However, over time I realized the wisdom and truth in the statement.

I am not saying we should be lazy or not have expectations of ourselves. I am saying we need to understand that there are stages in life. We cannot do it all. We need to be willing to let go of what is less important in order to focus on that which is most important.

A helpful way to keep your lists short is to start with a brain-dump. List everything you could possibly do or feel the need to accomplish. This clears the mind and is almost therapeutic. Then select from that brain-dump the three most important tasks for the day. Alternately, you can go through and number each item by importance. Set the expectation that you will use whatever time you have efficiently, but that the list in its entirety may not be done today, and that is okay. You can pick-up where you left off on your list another day.

2. Be Willing to Drop Your List

Even with a short list in hand, we should continually ask ourselves, “What does my family really need from me?” Pay attention to the internal nudges or intuition that encourage you to reach out to others. Then be willing to follow-through on what you notice and feel.

Yes, we need to do the laundry, dishes, and vacuuming eventually. The bills need to be paid and groceries purchased. We have to keep our homes running. This is all necessary work at some point. However, it’s not our most important work, nor does it always have to be done right this minute.

Our most important work comes in tiny packages around seven pounds. They grow fast and learn faster. They need us to teach them how to overcome challenges, show compassion, and find happiness. This is our greatest work. Many of my best memories and moments as a parent have come when I ignore what I had planned on doing and instead spend more time with the kids. Don’t let the To-Do List distract you.

3. Write “PEOPLE” at the Top of Your List

I have a 92 year-old friend who often tells me that the world is in a rush now. He has noticed that people are so busy going, going, going that they look miserable. He believes that if we stopped and paid a little more attention to the people around us that misery would dissipate.

One way to consciously keep people as your priority is to physically write “PEOPLE” at the top of each checklist. This keeps your intentions clear. Also, if you only get one thing done, you can be sure it is still a good day.

I have also set the daily intention to connect with my kids one-on-one, and I let that goal take precedence.

What Actually Matters

As much as we may love that feeling of crossing things off our list, we need to recognize that so much of what actually matters in life cannot and should not be checked off.

What actually matters in life are your kids and the other people around you. It is healthy and right to be productive, but your Littles are your most important work. Whatever else doesn’t get done in the day is okay. Everything will work out. I give you permission to let everything else go when needed. Be willing to focus on what is unplanned or intangible.

Do not be so anxious to get your day’s “necessary” work done that you neglect your life’s greatest work. At the end of the day, and especially at the end of a lifetime, it will not matter how much you were able to check off your lists. Instead, it will matter who you have become and how you have influenced those around you.

Whether you are just starting to use checklists to organize your life  or if you are a longtime list-lover like me, remember these tips to keep your To-Do Lists in check. Use your checklists as a tool; do not let them take on a life of their own. If you do, they can ruin your life.

Do you want more help organizing your home and life in a way that leaves time for what is most important to you? If so, I invite you to join the challenge: Organize Your Life in Two Weeks.

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