7 Simple Tips If Your 3-Year-Old Won’t Sit at the Dinner Table

I love three-year-olds. They’re excited about life and learning so much so fast. They say funny things, and it’s beautiful to watch their personalities unfold. And they don’t stay at the table. Yeah, that part is not so fun. Many meals they won’t sit still to eat long enough to stay full for the next twenty minutes, let alone until the next meal. So if you’ve got a wiggly toddler, you’re not alone. And you’re also not hopeless. Here are 7 simple tips if your 3-year-old won’t sit at the dinner table. These ways to help you teach your child to stay sitting will create more calm and connected meals.

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Family Dinner

We’ve learned that family dinner is a great time for family connection. It has big potential to be healthy for our relationships and eating habits. But sometimes the stress of having a 3-year-old at the table (or rather up and down and squirreling and not staying at the table) isn’t the calm, connected family dinner we had in mind.

So, in order to help our child learn, we’re going to need a little motivation. Let’s first get really clear about WHY we want our toddler to stay at the table. That’s a question only you can really answer. 🙂 Some of the things that come to mind for me are that we really do want to use dinner time as a chance to connect with family members, including the 3-year-old. We want to help our child organize their eating so they’re comfortable eating at meals and designated snack times instead of wanting to graze all day. And eating and chatting over a meal are cultural social skills that we want to help our child learn.

Plus, there’s a little more calm in the chaos when we can simply sit and relax as a family for meals.

What are your reasons for wanting to help your 3-year-old learn to sit at the dinner table? With those reasons in mind, let’s get onto the tips.

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7 Simple Tips If Your 3-year-Old Won’t Sit at the Dinner Table

Here are 7 ways to get your 3-year-old to stay at the table.

1. Get the Wiggles Out Before Dinner

The average toddler has a hard time sitting still and is full of energy. This is healthy and normal. We don’t need to rile our kids up before meals or try to exhaust them, but if we can help our kids meet their needs for physical movement during the day, there’s a greater chance they can sit still during dinner. So check-in with screen time during the day or play a simple moving game like hokey pokey or Simon Says before sitting down to dinner.

2. Sit Your 3-Year-Old in a Size Appropriate Chair

If the dinner table is uncomfortable, a child probably won’t want to sit long. Kneeling is a great invitation to climb as well. We use a booster chair that props a child up to table height. It also has a buckle, so as kids are transitioning from the high chair to the family table it’s a great encouragement to stay seated. After a while, we still use the booster but the buckle isn’t needed anymore.

This is the kind of booster seat we have. It attaches to the regular dining chair or bench so our young kids feel like one of the big kids. It also wipes clean really easily and travels well.

Click image for purchasing information.

3. Stay Seated Yourself

I know sometimes it’s hard to get everything on the table, and moms often find themselves up and down getting the salt and pepper or grabbing the last dish or another napkin or the towel to clean up a spill or any of a hundred other things.

But as much as possible, get in the habit of getting the meal set (others can help with this too!), turning off (or ignoring) the phone, and sitting down to eat.

Our kids are always watching us and are much more likely to do as we do than as we say.

If meals feel chaotic or you feel like you could use a better system for meal preparation in general, my Simple Systems Starter Guide is a great first step to creating an improved meal system.

4. Make Sitting at the Table a Game

Kids of all ages like games. Sitting at the table can become a game by seeing who can stay seated the longest or setting a timer and seeing how long you can go as a family. You can even simply play pretend. Get out some imaginary glue, pretend to put it on your own backside, and then act silly as you “try” to get out of your chair but can’t. Most children will be excited to get some of that silly glue themselves.

Sitting at the table to eat dinner won’t always have to be a game or effort, but the more you can get your 3-year-old to stay at the table, the easier it will get.

Play isn’t just fun; it’s also an incredible teacher.

5. Organize Snacking So Your 3-Year-Old is Actually Hungry at Dinner

It is very normal at this age for kids to eat a lot at some meals and not much at other meals. Most kids when given the choice are really good at eating when they’re hungry and not eating when they’re full. So we usually don’t need to worry if our child is eating enough.

If you are concerned about your child’s growth, check-in with your pediatrician.

So rather than being concerned with how much our kids eat, it’s our responsibility as parents to decide when we eat and to offer healthy choices of what to eat. Decide for your family what that eating schedule looks like. Typically three meals and two to three snack times work well.

But whenever you choose to feed your kids, the simple tip is to have the “kitchen closed” for snacking right before dinner.

While we can’t guarantee that our child will be hungry at dinner if they don’t snack right before, we can pretty much guarantee that they won’t be hungry if they do snack right before. And a hungry kid has a better chance at staying seated at the table than a kid with zero interest in food.

6. Practice Sitting Still at Other Times

Our kids don’t need to be as stiff as statues at the dinner table, but learning to be calm and sit is a wonderful skill to build. A great way to build that skill is to practice at other times of the day.

Cuddle up and read a story together. Sing a calm song and snuggle. Hold hands and walk together slowly while pointing out the birds and squirrels and whatever else you can see. You might notice that these examples all include touch. Positive touch is so important for our kids, plus it’s a great way to co-regulate, to let our calm energy help calm our children.

If you want to, choose a relaxing song that signals it’s time to calm down. Music affects emotions very powerfully. This can help kids learn to transition to mealtimes, story time, even bedtime.

Being calm at different times throughout the day also helps our kids connect with people rather than only running wild and helps them learn to regulate their emotions.

The key word here though is practice. For a 3-year-old that won’t sit at the dinner table, a whole new skill set needs to develop. Don’t hold a preconceived timeline of when your child “should” be able to sit still to eat. Every child learns skills at different rates. So be patient. If a child can’t sit for dinner (or a story or anything else) for ten minutes, start with two. Just keep practicing.

7. Make Dinner a Time Your 3-Year-Old Wants to Be a Part Of

There are some things we all like, regardless of age. Things like control, attention, and connection. Make dinner a time for these things for your 3-year-old, and they’ll want to join you at the table.

Control

We can help our toddlers feel some control at meals by letting them choose where they sit or how much they eat. Even at this age, they can be involved in helping prepare dinner which gives them a sense of control or ownership. Three-year-olds love to help wash the veggies, mix things, choose between options for side dishes, and more. Plus, if they’ve helped prepare the food, they’re more likely to stay at the table to eat it.

Attention

Our kids love attention and meals are a great time to give that attention. Notice what they’re doing and point out the positives. Something as simple as, “Wow! Peas can be really hard to spoon, but I notice how you’re doing it,” shows that we’re paying attention. Ask questions and sincerely listen to the answers. Simply making a silly face in their direction is giving attention in a fun way that makes the dinner table a place they want to be.

Connection

Attention is part of connection, but connection can go even deeper. Conversation is one way to do that. Many 3-year-olds are already great conversationalists, but if not, meals are an ideal time to practice. Respond to what other people are saying, and help your 3-year-old connect with other family members. Dinner Conversation Cards can be a really fun way to connect around the table. Teach older kids to listen to the younger ones too.

One idea a loved one shared with us that we love doing for this now is Roses and Thorns. We go around the table and everyone shares a rose from the day (something that went well or they liked) and a thorn (something that was hard or disappointing). Sometimes we share rosebuds too (something that we’re excited about).

Another way to connect is to have a memorable or fun time together. Laugh about a funny story or movie you watched together. If you’re laughing and enjoying the time with your spouse or partner or older children, that’s something your 3-year-old will want to be a part of too.

Is It Normal for a 3-Year-Old to Not Sit Still at the Dinner Table?

It is absolutely normal for a 3-year-old to not sit still at the dinner table. So don’t worry. Remember, having all that energy and enjoying breaks from activities is very age appropriate. However, a 3-year-old can stay at the table to eat. They can learn the skill just like all the other skills they’re developing. Meals can even be enjoyable for a wiggly 3-year-old because there is activity: eating a variety of foods, swinging legs, talking and connecting with other people, and more.

To help your child learn to sit still to eat,

Remember…

1. Get the Wiggles Out Before Dinner
2. Sit Your 3-Year-Old in a Size Appropriate Chair
3. Stay Seated Yourself
4. Make Sitting at the Table a Game
5. Organize Snacking so Your 3-Year-Old is Actually Hungry at Dinner
6. Practice Sitting Still at Other Times
7. Make Dinner a Time Your 3-Year-Old Wants to Be a Part of

I hope these 7 simple tips are helpful for you if your 3-year-old won’t sit at the table yet. Hang in there! Keep practicing. Focus on what you love about this stage, and simply keep on lovin’ your Little!

Which of these tips do you think will help your 3-year-old stay at the table? What makes meals challenging for you? What’s going well? Share in the comments!

Best Help for Parenting Young Children

I hope these tips about how to increase the calm and connection with your little one are helpful! Parenting is no easy job. But gratefully, you’re not alone.

If you’re wondering how to help your child develop physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually, some of the best help for parenting toddlers and preschoolers can be found in Raising a Healthy, Happy Child in the Early Years: A Virtual Summit for Parents of 2-5 Year-Olds.

In order to have expert answers on hand, you can purchase the full trainings from our previous summit. You can also join the wait list to be among the first to know when free registration opens for our next summit. This event is created to help you parent with calm, confidence, and joy through both the delights and challenges of raising young children.

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