5 Tips for the Stay-At-Home Mom Struggling with Depression, Isolation, or Boredom

A new mom brings her little bundle of joy home for the first time. She’s grateful to be able to stay home now and be “Mom.” However, as the days stretch to weeks and then months, life is not as joyful as she thought it would be. She feels isolated, inadequate when compared to other women, and down. Does this sound familiar? Stay-at-home mom depression is real. These five tips for the stay-at-home-mom struggling with depression, isolation, or boredom will empower you to find joy in this season of life.

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To the Stay-at-Home Mom Feeling Sad, Isolated, or Bored

First off, you need to know you are not alone. Many of us are or know women who struggle staying home with their kids. Additionally, one study suggests that more stay-at-home moms experience depression and sadness than working moms.

While there are definitely hormones at play, there are also significant life changes, a new identity to build and embrace (which doesn’t mean you have to ditch the old), and a different schedule to fill. All of this can lead us to feel isolated, inadequate, or depressed.

So, if this is you right now, again, you are not alone.

Second, there is good news. Many of the women who have experienced stay-at-home mom depression have gone on to find joy in their role as a stay-at-home mom, and you can too.

The empowering truth is that there are things you can try to bring greater joy to life.

The key to experiencing joy and fulfillment as a stay-at-home mom lies in finding and fulfilling your personal purpose in this season of life.

Yes, part of the purpose for every stay-at-home mom is to take care of her children, to keep them healthy and safe. However, a lot of people could do that. It’s not the entirety of your PERSONAL purpose.

These next five tips will help you understand that purpose and grow into it, bringing greater peace, fulfillment, and joy to your life.

5 Tips for the Stay-at-Home Mom Struggling with Depression, Isolation, or Boredom

1. Get Specific about what you Miss

Ask yourself, “What did I love about my life before?”

Dig deep, and avoid being vague. By being really specific, you will come to understand yourself better. It is helpful to write down these ideas.

For example, instead of stopping with, “I loved my job,” think about what you loved about your job. Maybe you loved checking things off and feeling like you were accomplishing and progressing. Perhaps the necessary creativity enlivened your days. It could be that you are passionate about leading a group or solving problems.

What you miss most is probably connected to your talents, strengths, and passions.

We each have a unique set of gifts. Fulfilling our personal purpose is achieved as we develop and share those gifts.

2. Remember, you are doing much more than changing dirty diapers.

Sometimes it is hard for tired eyes to see it through the piles of unwashed dishes or aroma of dirty diapers, but being a stay-at-home mom or dad is so much more than changing those dirty diapers. Our children have physical, social, and emotional needs from birth.

Before they can tell you in words, children are learning how to communicate, survive, love, and be loved in this world.

Importantly, being a stay-at-home parent is the opportunity to create the ideal daily environment and culture that you desire for your kids.

What is that environment that you desire? What can your unique talent set bring to your home?

Are your children going to be surrounded by good music or opportunities for creativity? Maybe your aptitude for organization will bring the blessings of cleanliness and orderliness to your child. Your skillset of fun and humor might allow your child’s day to be filled with excitement and laughter. Perhaps you desire a spiritually enriching environment or intellectually stimulating schedule.

Additionally, the everyday tasks of feeding or changing diapers can be performed with purpose. Steal a kiss, tickle a tummy, be patient a little longer, or look in those little eyes a moment more: infuse everything you do with the love you have for your Littles.

We can provide the best possible start for our children. Ours is the opportunity to bring up the next generation, to teach them to forgive, respect others, and have compassion for all. Embrace the big picture.

“Infancy’s the tender fountain,
Mothers first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow-
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled,
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.”

-William Ross Wallace

Lastly, if you are currently not prepared to create the environment you desire for your kids, nobody is more motivated or capable to change and become that provider than you.

Remember the opportunity it really is and express gratitude for your current life choices and the chance to stay home.

3. Continue Learning and Using your Adult Brain

While being a stay-at-home parent is definitely a fulltime job, it’s not always a full-mind job. Thus, boredom can often ensue and might lead to even more negative emotions like stay-at-home mom depression.

Additionally, when we stop learning, we miss out on priceless opportunities.

When we are thirsty for knowledge, new interests can be brought to our awareness. Unknown avenues for developing or pursuing our personal purpose can be opened to our eyes.

I recommend instilling a daily habit of personal, quiet time.

This time can be used for meditation, prayer, learning, reflecting, and staying centered on what matters most. Download a free journal, Reflect & Grow, to help you develop and maintain this habit and get the most from your personal, quiet time.

Additionally, consider trying some of the following ideas.

10 Ways to Continue Learning and Using your Adult Brain

• Take an Online Course
• Listen to an Enlightening Podcast
  -Have you heard Ted Talks Daily?
• Strike Up an Interesting Conversation
• Enroll in a Continuing Education Course
• Choose a Particular Problem, Research, and Devise Solutions
  -Consider problems in parenting, politics, or your community.
• Read a Book
  -If you need a book suggestion, here’s a shameless plug for my book, Peace amidst the Mayhem. 😉
• Listen to a Book
  -Try a free trial of Audible.
• Or Join a Book Club
  -Yes, I believe books are a good thing. 🙂
• Watch a How-To Video that Interests You
• Learn a New Language

4. Connect and Commune

Conversations with infants are quite obviously limited, yet, as humans, we crave connection. We need to feel love, and we want to love others.

Work to build connections with your children, starting at birth. Even if you are tired, put effort into your relationship with your partner or family members. Reach outward and create real connections with other individuals as well.

A simple trip to the grocery store or a walk past a neighbor’s can provide opportunities for connection if we are not too busy or distracted to notice.

During these connections, be real. Be honest. Look to share, cry, and laugh together.

In recent conversations with several of my loved ones, I learned that they experienced pretty deep depression at some point as stay-at-home moms. Why didn’t I know that before? Why do we often hesitate to share these emotions?

Maybe the emotions don’t feel like a big deal, not worth worrying anyone. Perhaps we feel embarrassed or guilty about these emotions. It’s supposed to be a blessing to stay home, right? We’re not supposed to complain.

However, we can be open and honest. We can share how we feel, not just to complain, but in order to commune.

As you ask sincere questions and share genuine emotion, you can learn how other stay-at-home moms have found joy in their purpose and this season. You can find fulfillment as you also bring empathy and learning to the relationship.

Lastly, remember that you can find connection and communion with the Divine. In my toughest mothering moments, the Divine has reached out and enfolded me in the love I needed, both through personal feelings and through the inspired actions of others. Patiently seek the Divine, and it will be found.

5. Refine Your Personal Purpose and Do

You have brainstormed how your unique talents and passions played out in your life before staying home and how you might want to incorporate them into your parenting.

Now it is time to refine your personal purpose and make a plan to pursue it. What goals do you desire to reach? How is it that you will develop and fulfill your personal purpose in this season of life? How will you use your time, energy, and resources?

As you persist in learning and connecting with others, you will continue to grow in your understanding of your unique purpose.

Be intentional as you decide where and how you want to pursue your personal purpose right now.

Determining how to spend your time is a major factor in pursuing your purpose. What will you do with your kids? How will you spend your “child-free” time, such as naptime and bedtime (thank goodness kids need to sleep!), independent playtime, babysitting trades, or hired part-time childcare?

Consider these four main areas of focus as you determine how to pursue your purpose. You may feel called to concentrate on one or a combination of these life areas.

Volunteer Efforts

Do you feel called in this season to devote time and energy to helping people outside your home? Is there a charitable cause that would benefit from what you personally can offer? It might be a specific cause that holds your attention or a broad directive to simply find ways to serve others.

Paid Work

I know moms who are finding joy and affecting lives for good with part-time work as nurses, hairdressers, and countless occupations. You may have a marketable skill you want to pursue such as teaching music, writing, or selling crafts. This is a great list of work-from-home job ideas.

Hobbies

A friend who is a stay-at-home mom was very intentional about how she wanted to spend some newfound time. When she self-reflected and sought Divine guidance, she felt very strongly that she should start painting again, not for profit, just to develop her skill. While she described her painting efforts, I realized she has gained a new kind of confidence and experienced feelings of success. As she spoke, joy emanated from her. Hobbies can be an incredible way to pursue your personal purpose.

Home Life

There is a reason you are home right now. Whether it is a choice or by necessity, I believe the real reason goes deeper than what might meet the eye. There is something only you can bring to your home, both the management of it and the care of your children. How can you develop and pursue your personal purpose in the rearing and nurturing of your children?

Clarify your personal purpose. Create a plan to fulfill that purpose.

Then do it.

Just For You

I have heard the advice that to fight stay-at-home mom depression, every mom should always shower and get dressed or that every mom should also work. These are good suggestions and worth considering. However, while some will do better otherwise, my purpose might easily be fulfilled volunteering with greasy hair and wearing basketball shorts.

We are each unique, and there are countless paths to conquer stay-at-home mom depression and instead find deep joy and fulfillment.

Here are several of the personal purposes I have observed in some of the women I love that have found joy and fulfillment as stay-at-home moms.

Personal Purpose Examples

• Share light through music, both in and out of the home.
• Help her family members through their specific health and emotional difficulties.
• Change the educational experience for her children and other families.
• Prepare her children for challenges outside their home.
• Bring joy to the lives of her children.
• Heal, both in and out of the home.

Personally, I have felt inspired to fulfill my purpose to share light and love in various ways at different times as a stay-at-home mom. During separate seasons, I knew I needed to focus on educating my kids, volunteering, and writing a book. Seasons change.

The more honestly you self-reflect and seek inspiration, the more you will be guided to what you, your family, and the world actually need from you right now.

In the end, you decide. Has something come to mind as you read this? Dwell on that idea. Choose the vision for your life that enlivens you and excites your passions.

Your personally crafted purpose will be just for you, and you will live it in a way only you can.

There will still be hard times and tiring days. But as you infuse all you do, both with and without your kids, with your personal purpose, you will experience a deep level of fulfillment and joy.

Inspire others by sharing your personal purpose (or part of it) in the comments. If you want specific ideas for how to incorporate your passions into this new stage, share your situation in the comments or send an email.

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If you want to learn more about discovering your purpose or the most peace-promoting motives in life, consider reading my book, Peace amidst the Mayhem.