Top 3 Self-Care Myths Debunked [How to Prioritize Self-Care for Busy Moms]

The struggle is real. We’ve heard all the benefits of self-care and know it’s something we “should” do. But making self-care for busy moms happen is another story. We don’t have time with all that’s already on our plate. We feel guilty. Perhaps we don’t even know what real self-care looks like for us. In this post, we’ll look at the most common hurdles to self-care. We’ll address the top three self-care myths and the truths that show us how to prioritize self-care in any season.

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Self-care is becoming more and more common in everyday talk. With everyone singing its praises, many of us feel like we should be doing self-care, but self-care for busy moms is hard to make happen in real life. However, as we address the most common self-care myths, we’ll learn how to prioritize self-care in an effective, healthy way.

But hey, if you’re super busy and want to cut right to the chase, scroll down to “The Bottom Line on Self-Care.” It’s pretty helpful. If you’ve got a minute, here are the top three self-care myths debunked.

Self-Care Myth #1: Self-Care is Bubble Baths and Massages

As self-care has become more and more common as a term, in many ways what self-care actually is has become more confusing.

Part of the myth stems from the commercialization of self-care. A new line of marketing says, “Self-care is amazing, and you need this product to do it!”

One woman exemplified the myth by saying, “For many people with anxiety, self-care just doesn’t work.” She went on to explain how taking time for herself made her mental health worse. She had started with a checklist of activities that she had considered self-care, but by the end of her experiment, she learned more about what effective self-care really is.

Self-care will look different for people because self-care is not a checklist of things we should or shouldn’t do. Instead, self-care is a mindset.

Truth #1: Effective Self-Care is a Mindset that Believes 3 Things

Self-care is a mindset that believes these three things.

1. I am a human with real needs in order to be healthy and happy.

The human needs for things like sleep and social connection are real. They’re not figments of our imagination or something we can simply do without for long and remain healthy and happy.

Imagine the highest version of yourself, the one who has energy, is a patient and kind woman, is excited for the day, and doing good in the world. What do you need to be this woman?

As we think about these needs, we want to remember our whole self: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Figuring out these needs and the things that actually make us healthy and happy is a learning process.

Some needs that are pretty universal for health and happiness include movement, nutrition, rest, purpose, progress, play, and connection.

2. I am primarily responsible for my own health and happiness.

While other people help meet our needs, in the end, the responsibility for our health and happiness rests with us. We need others for connection and community. We help each other with knowledge, perspective, skill, and service. Medical care, shared duties, and a shoulder to cry on are necessary.

But ultimately, nobody else can make the daily choices required for us to be healthy and happy.

3. I am worthy of health and happiness.

“Embrace the truth that human worth is inherent. The worth of individuals cannot be diminished, increased, or changed in any manner. It simply is. And that worth is infinite” (Peace amidst the Mayhem).

If you have a hard time figuring out your own worth, think about what you would tell your children about theirs.

When we hold these three beliefs, we’re in a position to figure out what effective self-care looks like for us.

Self-Care Myth #2: I Don’t Have Time for Self-Care

I hear you, Mama. Motherhood carries A LOT of responsibilities. There are so many pulls on our time, and it often seems easier to “put ourselves last” or not schedule out time for self-care. Self-care for busy moms is a real struggle.

But here’s the truth, nobody “has time” for anything. We all give time to whatever we choose.

Truth #2: Time is an Expression of Our Priorities

If we don’t “have time” for something, it’s because we choose not to.

A simple mindset shift that has really helped me is to avoid saying, “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time.” Instead, I try to say, “I choose to spend my time in different ways right now.”

This has helped me (and my kids) in several ways. First, it helps me remember how we spend our time is a choice. Second, it helps me check-in and ask myself, “Is this really how I want to choose to spend my time?” And third, it empowers us to be able to change how we choose to spend our time if something’s not working for us.

Embracing this mindset shift makes it possible for us to figure out how to prioritize self-care, even though we have a lot of responsibilities.

Self-Care for Busy Moms

So, what about if we decide we do believe the three self-care mindset beliefs, but we don’t choose to spend a lot of time on ourselves right now? I don’t think we have to.

Some self-care practices don’t take any extra time.

Not all self-care for busy moms has to be scheduled into the day. For example, we’re already taking time to eat. Choosing healthier foods during that time is self-care. Some of the best self-care practices like mindfulness, gratitude, and self-talk that affirms our self-worth don’t take any extra time at all.

Self-care doesn’t always mean alone time.

We can make choices that are healthy and happy for ourselves, while also taking care of our children and others. For example, snuggling up and reading a book together provides connection and enjoyment for us and our kids. Another example is exercising with our kids, whether it’s doing a YouTube workout together or pushing a baby in a stroller.

Not all self-care is created equal.

Some self-care practices for busy moms are more beneficial than others. They are more worth our time because their benefits are far-reaching. For example, one friend told me that she and her husband have learned to prioritize a run for her because a good run provides her with “a mental, physical and spiritual boost all at the same time.”

Sometimes it requires a willingness to experiment to find what these high bang for your buck self-care practices are for you.

Here are three high bang for your buck options for self-care for busy moms:

I highly recommend incorporating all three of these self-care ideas into your life.

• Exercise
  • Exercise has the potential to boost mood, increase our energy levels, regulate hormones, aid restful sleep, decrease or manage many diseases, and more.
  • This doesn’t mean we have to do any one kind of exercise or spend an hour a day on it if we don’t choose to. It does mean we find a way to move and sweat.
  • 10 Exercise Hacks for Busy Moms
  • How to Set Realistic Fitness Goals as a Busy Mom
• Daily personal quiet time
  • Schedule this time regularly and then use it for things like learning, practicing gratitude, meditating, praying, journaling, setting goals or assessing priorities, and connecting with the Divine.
  • The What, Why, and How of Daily Personal Quiet Time
• Connecting with others
  • The number one predictor of both health and happiness is our relationships. We can prioritize time and attention to connect meaningfully with our families, friends, God, and others.
  • Raising Compassionate Children in a Conceited World

How to Prioritize Self-Care in Any Season

If we’re ready to prioritize self-care with some of these activities or any others, we have to figure out how to fit them in.

The first thing is to put them in the schedule first. That’s what prioritizing is. Just do them during the time you schedule, and if something else doesn’t get done that’s less important, no worries. Learn to let it go.

If you’re stuck feeling like everything you do feels equally important, like it’s all vital, here are a few ideas to get you thinking of what might not matter as much: Be Less Busy: 20 Things to Cut from Your Busy Mom Life.

Secondly, we can save time by learning to do necessary things more effectively. Whether this is finding a chore system that works for your family (or teaching the kids how to pitch in in general), working out a bedtime routine so kids go to bed on time, or figuring out meal planning and decluttering, there are many intentional habits and routines that can save time after we implement them. This can leave us time and energy for doing things we love.

Self-Care Myth #3: Self-Care is Selfish

When I asked moms what makes self-care hard, one mom responded, “The freakin GUILT gets me EVERY time.” And she is not alone. When we finally do prioritize self-care and even set aside time for it, so many moms are held up by the accompanying guilt.

Guilt is an emotion associated with doing something we feel is wrong.

Oftentimes we’re trying to serve others and be kind and selfless, which are admirable qualities. So we feel guilty thinking about ourselves. We feel selfish, and we feel like being selfish is wrong.

But let’s take a quick look at selfishness. One definition of selfish reads, “devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.”

Effective self-care (not someone else’s checklist of what we “should” do, but the kind we’re talking about here) isn’t selfish. Self-care isn’t wrong. Let’s look at some of the actual effects of effective self-care for busy moms.

Truth #3: Self-Care is Good for Us AND Others

When we participate in effective self-care, it’s not caring only for ourselves or regardless of others. It’s also. We can learn how to take care of others while we also make happy and healthy choices for ourselves.

Here are some of the actual effects of self-care.

Equal Needs and Equally Worthy

Sometimes we feel a need to be some impossible version of Superwoman that has no real needs (or at least needs that might take any time or effort to address). It’s okay for everyone else to have real needs that require our service: our kids have snuggle needs, the sick neighbor has casserole needs, and our spouse has emotional needs. Even our house has legitimate cleaning needs!

But for some reason (maybe pride or a well-intentioned disconnect from reality), we don’t.

But the truth is that we’re all in this together. We’re all human. We all have needs. And we are each equally worthy of health and happiness.

I have been on both sides of the “needs equation.” I’ve been blessed to help others meet their needs, and I have been immeasurably helped by others who’ve filled my needs. There is real joy on both sides.

Well-cared-for Moms are Better Able to Serve Others

We can only ignore our needs for so long before we are not operating with the energy and joy that is possible and better for everyone.

When we learn how to be healthy and happy, we’re better able to serve others. In fact, effective self-care gives us greater energy, improved health, and a clearer perspective of our priorities and what matters most. In this way, we’re more productive and end up with more time and energy for people and causes that matter most to us.

Self-Care is Not at the Expense of Others

If we feel like our self-care happens at the expense of others or is hurting others, be really specific about how. Write down the reasons, and then question whether those thoughts match reality.

For example, time away from our kids doesn’t hurt them. It is healthy for our kids to spend time with a variety of safe caregivers and engaged in independent play. Our children will benefit from learning that they can handle not getting everything they want right when they want it.

Sometimes, setting healthy boundaries can make life harder for others involved. But, setting those boundaries also helps others. It can show others that you respect their healthy boundaries as well.

Additionally, remember that it was never intended for us to be everyone else’s savior. That responsibility is not ours.

Self-Care is Restorative, Not Lazy

This could probably be one of the self-care myths itself! Sometimes we feel the need to be going, going, going, and doing, doing, doing. Like that’s the definition of being a good mom, or that’s just the default, that’s what mom life has to be like.

But there is nothing inherently good about being busy.

Rest is a human need. Learning to be productive over busy and then rest is healthy, not lazy.

Our family is Sabbath Observant, so we have a weekly day of worship and rest. That day works miracles for building our spiritual connections and preventing life burnout.

Again, choosing effective self-care such as meaningful rest is restorative, not lazy.

We Teach What We Are: Self-Care Sets a Healthy Example

When we embrace the three self-care mindset beliefs, we teach others (most especially our children) to do the same. We show others, “I believe you have real needs. I believe you are primarily responsible for your own health and happiness. And I believe you are worthy of health and happiness.”

These beliefs are empowering and life-affirming for our children and others.

Furthermore, when we get over these top three self-care myths and engage in effective self-care, we are better able to serve, love, and teach others to be healthy and happy, both by example and because we better understand it.

The Bottom Line on Self-Care

The bottom line on self-care is that it’s a process.

Just like everything else we’re trying to do well in life, it takes practice. It takes learning and a willingness to listen to what others have to share as well as a willingness to experiment. Figuring out our own self-care takes patience, as we try new things and evaluate how they actually affect our lives and others.

As evidenced by these common self-care myths, it’s not always easy to figure out our own health and happiness. As parents, we take on the admirable responsibility to help our children too. Let’s offer grace as we develop into people that do this a little better each day.

Humans have spent forever learning about various aspects of health and happiness. Self-care is simply becoming an active participant in that search and applying what we learn to ourselves. It’s a repeated process of learn, do, share.

While the details can get tricky, let’s be sure we keep the big picture perspective. In the end, we’re going to cover A LOT of self-care ground when we focus on loving God and loving others as we love ourselves.

Do You Want the Cheat Sheet for this Self-Care Post?

The Busy Mom’s Guide to Self-Care: Self-Care Simplified will help you quickly work through these top three myths about self-care. It’s a simple guide with four action steps to help you find effective self-care for YOU that fits your life and meets your needs.

Which of these self-care myths is the hardest for you to overcome? What are effective self-care practices for you? How have you learned how to prioritize self-care? Please share in the comments.

Would you like more help figuring out what effective self-care is and how to make it happen in your life?

I love working together with moms to help them feel greater self-worth and purpose, embrace life-changing mindsets, and implement powerful routines for them and their families. You can find greater calm, confidence, and joy.

Learn more about upcoming small group or one-on-one coaching opportunities with Marielle.

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