Why Doesn’t My Chore System Work?! | 8 Simple Ideas to Fix a Failing Chore Chart
The idea of having all family members pitch in is a great one. But it’s frustrating when we try but can’t seem to make that idea a reality. Whether you can’t stick with a chore chart or your kid refuses to do chores, you’re not alone. If you’re asking, “Why doesn’t my chore system work?!” here are 8 troubleshooting ideas, so you can get your kids to do chores without nagging.
There are so many benefits to finding a chore system that works for your family. It’s good for kids to learn work ethic, responsibility, and how to be a team player. It’s helpful for parents to share the load. And once you get in a rhythm, it’s not even that hard. Truly. It just becomes easy routine.
But getting to that point is often a struggle.
It might take some trial and error, and it will take lots of practice. Luckily, all chore systems that work have some things in common, and that’s what I’m sharing today. These troubleshooting ideas will help you fix your system faster, with an understanding of why a chore system works for your family. This understanding is super helpful in case you reach a new stage and need to mix things up again.
But first, a word about chore charts.
Do Chore Charts Work?
If you post a chore chart, no matter how beautiful or age appropriate it is, it won’t do much on its own. Some kids will get excited about stickers for a minute. (Teens won’t.) And mostly it won’t last. So in that sense, chore charts don’t work, at least not magically.
Charts are not helpful when it’s a parent or other adult having to be the judge and decide in a subjective way if the child “earned” the sticker or checkmark.
However, visual trackers like a chore chart can be really helpful for starting new habits, keeping us on track, and helping us follow-through. In fact, chores are a great example of a good time to use a tracker because it’s something that kids can measure on their own. Did they do the chore? Yes or no?
Additionally, chore charts do work in the sense that they can be a great tool when used as part of a system.
Related: The DIY Chore Chart That’s Working for Our Family
Why You Need a Chore System (Not Just a Cute Chore Chart)
One way to define a system is “an organized or established procedure.” Systems can also be called routines, especially at home. When we set-up intentional routines we decide how and when we’re going to get things done. In fact, home systems that work are a total game changer, especially for busy or overwhelmed parents.
Good systems allow us to get things done easier and faster, so we have more time and energy.
A chore system includes motivation, routine, and follow-through. (Don’t worry, we’ll dig into these in a minute.) A system is much more comprehensive than posting a chart on a wall.
During a crazy time of juggling four part-time jobs, raising five kids, having responsibility for our home and meals, and more, it was a well-working chore system and other intentional systems that also allowed me to write the book I’d always wanted to write and truly enjoy my children.
We’ll dig into troubleshooting chore systems in this post and why your current chore system (or lack of one) might not be working.
A great first step in creating home systems that work (including a chore system) is my Simple Systems Starter Guide. Grab it today…it’s FREE!
Why Doesn’t My Chore System Work?
As I mentioned, chore systems that work have several things in common. So we want to make sure your system has those things. Recognize that there are many ways this looks for different families. It can even look different during different stages of your life. So don’t get hung up on finding the magic chart.
Instead, try to keep things simple. What’s the easiest way for your family to work these key components into your chore system?
Two Keys to Chore Systems That Work
There are really only ever two reasons why we succeed or fail as humans, why we do or don’t get up early to exercise when it’s our New Year’s Resolution. Why we get good grades or flunk out. Why our kids do their chores willingly or a kid refuses to do chores completely. It’s the same two things. (Talk about simplifying parenting!)
When we have these two things, we’re set up for success. When one or both is lacking, we have to make changes before we can reach our goals.
The two things we always need are the applicable skillset and enough motivation to make it happen.
As I mentioned, there are many different ways to make this happen. The following 8 troubleshooting ideas will help you see how you can help your kids gain the necessary skills and enough motivation through a chore system that actually works.
8 Troubleshooting Ideas to Get Your Chore System Working
Here are 8 troubleshooting ideas to consider as ways to fix a failing chore chart and create a chore system that works.
1. Clearly Know Your WHY
Do YOU have a clear vision for why you want your kids to do chores? And do YOUR KIDS understand that why? Have you shared your reasons with your kids in a way they relate to? In other words, do you have buy-in from yourself and them?
Here are some reasons parents want their kids to do chores:
- Chores can teach work ethic and the ability to work hard will help children succeed in life.
- Parents want the family to feel like a team where everyone works together, not a hierarchy or maid service.
- Chores are one concrete way to teach the important skill of responsibility. Parents also know when kids share chore responsibility they learn to take better care of things to begin with, saving everyone work.
- Parents want more time to spend in meaningful ways with their family or otherwise and they know that sharing the load can help jobs get done faster.
- Learning to keep a clean and hygienic home is a life skill parents want to teach (at least by the time kids leave home and preferably much sooner).
Do any of these reasons resonate with you? What’s your personal why?
Learning how to get kids to do chores isn’t easy. You’re why has to be strong enough to make it worth it. Clearly knowing your why and communicating it with your kids is the foundation of the motivation in your chore system.
2. Pinpoint What’s Lacking
As we talked about, our kids need the skills and motivation to do chores. If your chore system doesn’t work right now, pinpoint which of these things is missing. That will help you choose the best from the following ideas that address the real problem.
One thing to be aware of is that sometimes a skillset problem will mask itself as a motivation problem. This is especially true when it comes to executive functioning skills like focus. Although it might look like our child is not motivated enough to finish a chore, the real problem could be that our child simply hasn’t learned how to focus and follow-through yet.
So which do you think your child or chore system is lacking: necessary skills or motivation?
If you’re not sure, the next ideas can help you figure it out too.
3. Make Chores Easier (Hear Me Out On This)
I’m all about teaching my kids that they can do hard things. However, I don’t think that daily or weekly chores need to be considered “hard things” for long. Because the harder things feel, the more motivation we’re going to need to get it done.
Success is like a scale where motivation has to outweigh difficulty. To reach success faster we can either increase motivation or decrease difficulty.
So, if one of your big reasons for having kids do chores is to do hard things, you can ignore this. But if the reasons are something else (like the other ideas listed above), it pays off to make the chores easier. And we can totally make them easier, while still having a job well done.
One of the simplest ways to make a chore easier is to have fewer steps. For example, if your kid is struggling with cleaning the bathroom, instead of requiring they do mirror, counter, sink, toilet, floor, and tub, simplify to mirror, counter, and sink. After they reach mastery with the vanity (meaning it’s easy for them), then add the next step: toilet.
Related: Printable Bathroom Cleaning Checklist for Kids
4. Find Consistency with a Set Time
A powerful way to create new habits like consistent chores is to combine the desired habit with an already existing habit. This is called habit stacking. So what’s something you already do every day? Add chore time right before or after that thing.
For chores, it’s helpful to pick a set time when people are already moving, like right when they get home from school (as opposed to having to interrupt a relaxing show to get up and work).
For example, we eat dinner every night. So right when kids stand up (in action) from dinner (existing habit), that could be the signal to quickly do a daily chore.
5. Do It Together
Doing chores together is definitely a way to make them easier, but this is especially helpful if your child is missing the skillset. Back things up and work together. As you work together, you can model how the chore is done. You can talk through questions and remind to keep focus. When you work together, you’ll also see when your child reaches mastery and is ready for independent chores.
Related: The 5 E’s of Teaching Kids to Work
6. Let Go of Your Timeline
We often have a preconceived idea about what our kids “should” be able to do at certain ages or stages. While these guidelines can be helpful, every child truly is different. Some kids will excel with chores independently much younger than expected (like the four-year-old who legitimately does a good job cleaning the dishes). Other kids will take longer to master chores (like the eleven-year-old that still struggles to clean the bedroom because toys and books and “Oooh! It’s my old modeling clay!” are so distracting).
Also remember that it matters much more how many times we actually do something than the timespan those attempts have covered.
Choose to focus on consistent practice and progression over perfection.
Be patient as you and your child get enough repetitions or practice in to learn to do chores well. Again, this is especially applicable when kids are missing skills.
Related: 7 Simple Ways to Get Your 4-Year-Old to Clean-Up
7. Ask Your Kids
“Hey Ethan. You know how we’ve talked about being a team in our family, including how we take care of the house? I really appreciate how great you are about putting away your backpack every day. Thank you. I’ve noticed that a lot of days you’re not doing your sweeping responsibility. What do you think would make that job a little easier for you?”
Here are some of the important things about this conversation about chores:
- Shares vision (why).
- Points out positive first (it’s way too easy to notice and attempt to correct the negative, but what we choose to water grows).
- Uses “I’ve noticed” which is a great way to introduce a problem. It doesn’t lay blame or get people on the defensive.
- Asks an open-ended question which can lead to brainstorming, where every idea is a good idea (encourages creativity and digging for the real cause). Then you work together to choose the idea you want to try first and works for both of you.
- Gives child ownership over solution. We’re all more motivated by ideas we feel we’ve chosen (even if they don’t work out in the end).
Our kids are a goldmine of personal motivation ideas.
Here are some things they might say or ideas you could suggest to start the brainstorming:
- I think it would be easier if I had a broom my size. (young child)
- Will you please remind me every day after school? I just forget. (Now when you remind it doesn’t feel like nagging to either one of you.)
- Maybe we could print out a chart and I can check it off before I watch TV each day. (Ideal use of a chore chart.)
- It’s really hard to sweep every day because basketball game nights are so late. Maybe I could have a different responsibility that I can do on the weekends. (teenager)
So, one of the best ways to fix a chore system is to simply ask your kids.
8. Increase Connection
As humans we crave connection. Connection is motivating and makes a job feel easier. In fact, there’s an interesting series of studies that found people judge a hill to be steeper when they’re alone compared to when they’re walking with a friend.
So, can you do your chores at the same time? Can you turn on music and sing while you work? How about chatting? A great motivator is having something fun to do together after or knowing that social time with friends happens after chores are finished on Saturday. Connection makes everything better, even chores.
Related: 10 Ways to Connect with a Difficult Child
Kid Refuses to Do Chores No More
If your kid refuses to do chores or you’re at a super deep level of frustration, these eight ideas will help. However, I know we all have Yeah buts. Especially “Yeah, but you don’t know my kid!” So, if you have questions or want to talk through a specific, leave a comment, and I’ll personally respond. Parenting is not meant to be done alone!
Better yet, get in my inbox…join the thousands of families in the Lovin’ Life with Littles community and simplify your parenting life. Grab the free Simple Systems Starter Guide, and start creating a better chore system today on the way to creating a home life you truly love. A life that includes the family sharing responsibilities and kids willingly helping out.
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