A Simple Phrase to Help You and Your Children Overcome Challenges (Move from Grumpy to Grateful)

I was wallowing in self-pity over the minor sewage flooding in our basement. “The landlord could have prevented it,” I pouted. I stared at the mucky mess that I was now going to have to clean, again. A phrase, like a gift, came to mind, but I quickly pushed it away. That thought would end my despair over this challenge and move me to a place of gratitude. I knew it, and I wasn’t quite ready for it. This simple phrase can help us overcome our challenges and move from grumpy to grateful, but we need to use it right.

Do you have a parenting or life challenge you’re ready to overcome? If you’d like to dig deeper and get some help, look into upcoming coaching opportunities with Marielle or schedule a call.

After the Pity Party

Why I felt the need to play the martyr in that moment, I’m not entirely sure. However, after a brave attempt at psychoanalyzing myself, I think possibly it was just a really good excuse. Unlike many of the other things that needed fixing in my life, this one wasn’t my fault. Perhaps it was refreshing to easily pass the blame. Plus, this was a problem anyone would sympathize with. Nobody would appreciate this stinky, muddy mess. And maybe, it just needed to be okay for me to admit, “This is rotten.”

So for whatever reason, when that transformational thought first came, I knowingly forced it out. I was enjoying my self-pity on some weird level, and that simple phrase would end it. It would move me forward with a good attitude. It might even motivate me to actually pick up a rag and get started with the cleaning. And it just wasn’t time for that yet. I deserved to have my moment after all, didn’t I? So, I took my moment, and when I was good and ready, I let that little thought creep back in. The simple phrase took me almost instantly from pouty to grateful.

“But at least…”

The Simple Phrase

I stood on the edge of the muck and let my mind fill-in the blank over and over again.

“But at least we have another bathroom to use until this is fixed. And we have a bathroom at all!”

“But at least it happened after all the company left, instead of during their visit.”

“But at least only the basement was affected.”

With that, hurricane images came to mind, and there was suddenly no more need for the “But at least” part.

“I still have a whole house, complete and standing on its foundation.”

“I have a healthy, capable body to clean-up this little mess.”

Perspective had edged its way into my mind, leaving gratitude in its wake.

Not to Trivialize

There are problems in life that “But at least” will not take away. Real, heavy, hardships exist that pull at our heartstrings.

It just so happens that sewage is not one of those problems.

Usually the real problems involve those we love and the all-important internal state of being.

In order to fully focus on those real challenges, the ones that actually matter in the long run, we need to be able to recognize life’s little difficulties for what they actually are. We need perspective. Then we need to let go. One of the very best ways to let go is through gratitude. “But at least” is one tool that can bring both perspective and gratitude.

Related: 15 Simple Ways to Practice Gratitude as a Family

For Our Children

Imagine that you find me, hands on hips, staring at my basement flood. Knowing that what I really need are perspective and gratitude, you kindly begin filling in my “But at least” statements for me.  The only problem? I am still enjoying my self-pity.

Now you appear to me as unsympathetic, uncaring, and a bit cold-hearted. In fact, you might even be “So mean! You never listen to me!” Um, I mean, not you of course. Yes, I may have heard those words before. Obviously not from me to you, but from my children to me.

Here is another epiphany that struck as I pondered this little muddy episode. I realized that all too often, I can easily see the solution to my child’s problem. Maybe I have been there before, or my age grants perspective. Therefore, with loving motive, I swoop in trying to resolve the difficulty. Unfortunately, my intended message is completely lost if my child is not yet ready to solve the problem. (I might add this also applies to spouses, friends, and humanity in general.)

Learning from my Muck

When a problem arises, take a moment to feel. Feel the pain, embarrassment, annoyance, whatever the emotion may be. Feel with your children when their challenges surface. Cry together, hug it out, or admit, “This stinks!” Allow them (and yourself) to have their moment.

Don’t assume that they are ready to move on now because you are.

Wait until you feel a shift in mood, time has passed, or you ask, “Would you like help solving this?”

When it is time to fix the situation, “But at least” is one powerful tool we can all utilize to bring perspective and gratitude.

Take turns filling in the phrase with your Littles, and don’t be surprised if things get a little outlandish and everyone ends up laughing.

All Challenges

Life consistently throws difficulties at us both big and small. Turn to gratitude, and you may be amazed at how many of those challenges actually are of the small variety.

Our dinner may be burnt, but at least we have cold cereal.

We might be staying up too late again, but at least we have children to keep us up.

The day may have been rough, but at least I can try again tomorrow.

After surviving as a soldier in World War II, my grandpa was fond of applying the concept to any situation. He would say in effect, “But at least your socks are dry and nobody’s shooting at you.”

Life, even with all its stinky muck, really is pretty darn good.

How have you found perspective and gratitude amid life’s challenges? Share in the comments.

If you have a parenting or life challenge you’d like to dig deeper into and get some help to overcome, look into upcoming coaching opportunities with Marielle or schedule a call.

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